


Continuum

by ahgasemyname



Category: GOT7
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Mark, Derogatory Language, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Porn With Plot, Rimming, Smut, side jackbum, top!jackson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-07-11 17:06:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahgasemyname/pseuds/ahgasemyname
Summary: What would you do if you had the chance to save the love of your life? Jackson's run out of chances.





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Non-Con/Rape will be in later chapters. This fic is NOT for the faint at heart or for those of you who can't handle some gore and seeing your beloved idols suffer. Please proceed with caution. This chapter is mostly smut, though. The heavy stuff comes later. You're in for a wild ride, kids.

Mark was angry. His face was flushed with every shade of red known to man, sweat pouring down from his forehead, his throat parched from all of the drunken screaming he had done in the last hour. His eyes were wild and full of anger, limbs outstretched and hands flapping as he shouted from where he stood at the edge of the porch, leaning over the railing as his boyfriend jeered and blew him an emotionless kiss that was followed by a middle finger. He threw his body over the railing, barely landing on his feet in their front lawn and he stormed across the neatly trimmed grass towards the equally inebriated blonde.

“Jackson, stop!” He shouted, barely able to hear the sound of his own voice over the deafening roar of piss and vinegar inside of his head. They had been having their usual Saturday evening drinks when the fight broke out. It was over something stupid, or something that Mark had deemed stupid; which had only succeeded in infuriating his long time boyfriend further. Jackson had wanted Mark to come home with him to China for a few days, to finally meet his parents, but Mark had a major work project deadline around that time and had declined. As much as he loved Jackson, he had been looking forward to the solitude; something he rarely found with the loud Chinese man around. Jackson had in turn gotten angry with him, swearing up and down that Mark didn't care enough about him if he wouldn't take the time to meet his parents, when Jackson had gone to LA to meet Marks family during a busy time at his own job. 

He let out an irritated huff, his eyes rolling as Jackson continued to shout; his words slurred together as he spat curses and words he didn't mean. He lurched forward as he neared the other male, watching as he stepped backward off of the sidewalk and into the street. It was well past midnight and they were causing a scene. Mark just wanted Jackson to stop shouting and come inside where they could sit and talk, not scream at each other like drunkards in the middle of the night. He looked at the ground and let out an exasperated sigh, finally ready to give in to Jackson and agree to the trip just to end the fight; he could try to get his work done while they were there. He raised his eyes and opened his mouth to plead with Jackson one last time when he saw it, the bright flash of headlights coming down the street at record speed headed straight towards Jackson. Marks eyes went wide as he watched the love of his life stumble stupidly in the middle of the street, unaware of the oncoming car and he did the only thing he could think of.

He stepped into the street, and everything seemed to slow down; the sound of his feet hitting the pavement, the shriek of Jackson's voice, the shrill screech of tires as the driver of the speeding car tried desperately to slow down. He almost didn't feel the pain. It happened so fast. There was a crush of steel against his small frame as his outstretched arms threw his wide eyed boyfriend out of harms way. Then it came, the sharp sting of the impact, his body tossed like a rag doll into the air and then coming down hard against the hood of the car; the metallic crunch of steel and bone ringing in his ears. He could feel his bones breaking, every splinter and fracture sending a shock wave of pain coursing though his veins; his neck twisted at a sickening angle as he rolled onto the pavement and didn't move. He could hear the frantic screams now, Jackson's voice a dull ache in the back of his head as he tried to call out to him, to to tell him that he was sorry and that he loves him; but then everything faded to black.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sharp gasp echoed through the room, a shuddering breath following as Mark jolted upright. His eyes were wide, pupils blown and sweat trickled down his furrowed brow as his chest heaved in attempt to suck in another breath. He let out a strangled sound, choking on a mixture of saliva and too much air, his eyes finally closing again as he felt the comforting hand on his lower back. It took him several moments to regain even the smallest semblance of composure, his lips parted slightly to suck in a few last wheezing breaths before he relaxed into the touch.

“Hey, are you okay?” The voice was thick with sleep, a slight croak to it which normally would have him chuckling and teasing, but not today. Not after that. What was that anyway? It had felt far too real to be a dream, yet here he was, alive, in his own bed, next to his very concerned boyfriend.

“Ye-Yeah. I think so. I just had a bad dream is all.” He mumbled, just now realizing how hard he had been clenching his fists, fingers digging into the comforter so tightly he was surprised he hadn't torn it. He let out a sigh and unclenched his fists, his fingers aching and knuckles cracking as he stretched them out. How long has he been clutching the blanket like that? He was still in a haze; the only thing he was fully aware of being the heavy stare of his lover. He slowly turned to glance at Jackson, his tired eyes taking in the sight of him. He was disheveled and sleepy, despite his obvious concern and he never ceased to amaze Mark with how good he looked, even just waking up.

“I'm okay, Gaga. I promise.” He smiled weakly, reaching one hand out to brush the hair off of the younger male's forehead. He took in his features; drooping, tired eyes, forehead creased with worry, lips pursed into a thin line, with cheeks puffed into a hilarious pout. “Gaga...” He started again, letting out an exasperated noise at the way the other male clutched at his waist, pulling him down against his side. “I'm fine. Really.” He tried his best to sound serious, but couldn't help but to smile with the way the other coddled him. Jackson was generally an attentive lover, often making sure that Mark was in good health, mentally and physically before worrying about himself. It had caused fights between them in the past, but Mark decided that this time he needed and deserved to be take care of. He let himself melt into the warmth that encased him, Jackson's strong arms wrapping around him and pulling him closer. 

From this angle he could really see the age in his face, the once sharp lines now softening and light wrinkles creasing around the corners of his eyes. They were in their early thirties now, but he wondered when they had started to take on so much of a burden in their lives that they had started to show early signs of aging. He knew Jackson's job was stressful. He was the project lead in a large company and was often called away from home to help when there was a mishap in the office. Mark was busy himself, teaching English at a local private institute during the school terms and tutoring during the summers. He was also head of a program that helped struggling students from other schools in the form of a summer study camp that had been so successful that they had decided to add a winter session and the start date was dangerously close. He had been struggling to get everything in order, to make sure that every teacher involved was on the same page and knew exactly what they needed to be doing when the camp opened it's doors for the second winter in a row in just three short weeks. He was silently praying for another successful year, one without mishap and he found himself thinking back to what still needed to be laid out for his own activities, only to be pulled out of his thoughts by a soft huff.

“Where are you going without me, my love?” Jackson's voice was tame, but gruff, dark eyes casting their gaze over his own features and he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment at getting caught drifting. He knew how much it bothered Jackson that he disappeared into his own thoughts sometimes, often missing important details of excursions the younger had planned or just forgetting to respond in the middle of a conversation. He let his eyes fall to the once again pursed lips of his lover, the pout on them cute and enticing. He chuckled softly before leaning forward to press a soft kiss to them before mumbling a reply. 

“Nowhere. I was just thinking about the study camp.” He admitted, the knowing frown on Jackson's face dragging a soft sigh from him. “I know. I know. I'm supposed to be taking a break right now and relaxing before we leave to see your parents in a few days. I'm sorry.” He bowed his head in apology before letting his cheek fall to rest against the others shoulder and he snuggled into his side. He could smell the mixture of body wash and sweat that intermingled on Jackson's skin, the small window units in their over sized apartment doing little to stave off the uncharacteristically hot November air. He nuzzled his nose into the crook of his neck, letting out a contented hum as he wrapped himself further around Jackson, his eyes closing as he fully relaxed and he felt himself drifting back into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

“Oh no you don't.” He could feel Jackson shifting, his chest shaking as he chuckled, slowly sitting up and causing Mark's smaller frame to wilt onto the bed with a whine. He glared up at him, more of a squint than anything menacing as his boyfriend towered over him, a wide grin on his lips as he leaned down to plant a quick kiss on his forehead. “I know you need to relax, but I can think of much better ways to do so than sleeping...” The lecherous waggle of his eyebrows caused Mark to groan inwardly, one arm thrown over his face as he rolled onto his back and huffed. 

“It's too early for that. I just had a nightmare. I'm too tired to do anythi-” He started to argue, knowing exactly where this was going.

“Who said you had to do anything?” Jackson's voice and eyes were softer now, his lips spreading into a kind smile when Mark finally lowered the arm that was shielding him from the man he deemed the sun. He let out another whine, his lips forming a pathetic frown as he tried to once again glare up at the younger man, only earning himself a chuckle. “Trust me, baby.. You need something to lighten your mood up a bit.” He could feel the warmth of Jackson's hands through the thin fabric of his shirt, the wide expanse of them traveling up his sides until they stopped to pool the fabric just below his armpits and slid back down, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. His skin was tingling, hot sparks dancing over his nerve endings as the younger continued to speak. “Gaga will take good care of you.” He tensed up as he felt the press of fingertips slipping past the waistband of his boxer shorts, his body relaxing as they moved again; the slow drag of the fabric passing over his thighs and shins to finally be peeled from his body entirely. “Beautiful...” The word was airy and light, pulling Mark's eyes to meet the dark orbs that seemed to devour him whole. He shuddered involuntarily, his teeth pulling his lower lip between them as his cheeks dusted with pink.

“Gaga..” He mumbled, still not used to the way the younger male doted and called him as such even after all of their years together. He sucked in a breath when he felt the heat of the other press close to him, strong arms caging him in and he turned his face back to him. They were centimeters apart, the other's eyes boring into his as he trembled beneath him, his teeth digging into his lower lip in anticipation. He stared up at his lover, his feet shifting at the end of the bed anxiously as he waited for something, anything to happen. “What are yo-” He was cut off by the rough press of lips to his own, chapped and thick; not at all what one would ideally dream of, but they belonged to the man he loved. He accepted the kiss gingerly, his own lips parting to let out a soft moan as he felt the younger press down against him, his half hard cock rubbing against the satin fabric of the others sleep shorts. He could feel the swell of Jackson's own through the thin material as he ground his hips down into the older male. 

The kiss was slow and sensuous, lips parting and tongues meeting, soft breaths intermingled when they pulled apart for air. He let his arms move to wrap around Jackson's back, his fingers splayed across the warm skin as they continued to share wet kisses and mumbled words. He let out a desperate whine when Jackson finally pulled away from him, his lower lip quivering as he received nothing but a soft chuckle in response. He closed his eyes and conceded as he felt the warm press of lips against his jawline, traveling slowly down his throat until they reached his collarbone. He twitched unconsciously as he felt the light graze of teeth over the bone, his cock beginning to strain against his lovers. He rolled his hips once, pleased with himself when the low growl met his ears and the younger male sucked roughly at the spot just below his collar bone. He loved it when Jackson marked him, claimed him. Even when no one else in the world would see the proof of his belonging, he liked to look at himself in the mirror as he lightly fingered at the purple and blue blotches. He sucked in another breath as he felt the warm blow of a breath on his nipple, followed by a wet heat. He clenched his fingers, blunt nails digging into the muscle of his lovers back and he rolled his hips again; trying to gain some kind of friction against his desperately hard cock.

“Patience love..” The words were spoken directly into his skin, but the command in them was heard loud and clear, the whine in his throat dying off as he stilled himself and relaxed his fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt another hot burst of air on his skin, Jackson's lips wrapping around the nipple and sucking, his tongue flicking at the quickly pebbling bud. He was sensitive there, Jackson knew that and he himself knew that Jackson was a tease. He squirmed a bit, groaning when the hand at his hip squeezed with a warning. He did his best to relax, to give full control over to Jackson, but it was hard when his boyfriend was as gorgeous as and has as sinful of a mouth as the man on top of him had. He bit back a sharp moan when teeth caught the nipple between them, tugging and nibbling before leaving him aching and wanting more. He opened one eye to peer down at Jackson, finding the other staring up at him fondly before grinning and repeating the process on the other nipple. He let his head fall back against the pillow, his lips hanging open with soft pants passing from time to time as Jackson continued to abuse the skin of his chest and abdomen with teeth and tongue; pleased to know that there would be plenty of new bruises for him to admire when they were done.

His cock twitched when he felt the younger male shift, settling himself between his legs and warm hands moved to grip at the fleshy thighs presented to him. He waited quietly, his breathing shallow, but steady. He kept his eyes closed as he felt the firmness of Jackson's shoulders under his thighs, the younger shifting to gain better access to Mark's leaking cock. It was hard and red against his equally flushed stomach, beads of precum already dripping onto his skin. He whimpered when he felt thick fingers curl around his base, giving him a few slow tugs before a wet tongue was dragged from his balls to his tip, tearing a low moan from his throat. His hips twitched and he hissed when the younger slapped at his thigh, warning him to be still and he bit back an objection, knowing full well that Jackson could be an asshole if he really wanted to; leaving him painfully hard and desperate. His breath left him in a rush, his whole cock swallowed by a familiar wet heat, his eyes rolling back in his head as Jackson took him down to the base in one motion. 

“Gaga.. Fuck.” He spewed the profanity without further thought, the only thing on his mind being the way he could feel Jackson's lips on him, tight and full, the slick slide of his tongue on the underside of his cock, and the way the back of his throat twitched against the tip. He panted loudly when the younger male swallowed around the head, adding a delicious pressure to an already blissful squeeze. He threw one arm across his face, his features twisted into an embarrassingly erotic expression, the other moving to tangle his fingers in Jackson's hair. He let out a shuddering breath as he felt the heat rescind, slowly moving to the tip of his cock, the tip of a tongue digging into his slit before swallowing him whole again. He could feel his heart rate quicken, a soft chuckle breaking free as he wondered just how getting him riled up was relaxing, but knowing that the end result would leave him boneless and spent. He scraped his nails against Jackson's scalp, pleased when the younger male hummed around his cock in response, the vibration sending a jolt of pleasure down his spine. He bucked his hips at a particularly pleasant scrape of Jackson's teeth against the head of his cock on the upstroke. “Do that again... Please... ” He panted, his voice already sounding pathetic and wrecked.

He groaned when his plea was met with no resistance, the younger male quickly complying with his request after twirling a skilled tongue around the underside of the glans, the gentle drag of his teeth sliding back and forth as he slowly bobbed around the tip. He shuddered when the younger male added his hand into the mix, deft fingers wrapping around him tightly and stroking in time with each shallow stroke of his lips and teeth. He gasped out loud when he felt himself sucked into the wet heat again, half of his cock enveloped in it while the other half was squeezed tightly between rough, calloused fingers. He trembled as Jackson worked him slowly, soft whimpers and harsh moans scattered among whispered praises and whimpered pleas for more. He felt a familiar buzz in his body, the pleasure slowly building up into a tightly wound cord, his moans coming more frequently and more breathlessly as the younger male alternated between rough strokes, kitten licks, and taking his entire cock in one stroke. His hips twitched and he struggled to keep them still, not wanting to break Jackson's concentration or his rules. He bit down on his lower lip as he whined low in his throat, his fingers winding desperately in Jackson's hair. He let out a relieved exhale when he felt Jackson still, one hand tapping on his thigh and he slowly opened his eyes to meet the heady gaze of his lover. 

He knew that look, the one that was as hungry for his cock as Mark was hungry to give it to him and he nodded once before dropping his head back down against the pillow. He moved his free hand to join the other in Jackson's hair, gripping it tightly as he thrust his hips upwards, groaning at the strangled sound that came from the other male as he forced himself into his throat. He could feel the muscles constrict around him, sending a heat through him that fueled him to further fuck the younger males throat. He pulled back and thrust up again, a lewd sound echoing in the bedroom as he reveled in the way Jackson's lips got impossibly tighter around him, his tongue flat and gliding smoothly along the underside of Mark's cock. He repeated the motion, pushing himself as deep as he could go with each thrust, his balls tightening as he drew closer to his breaking point. He hissed as he felt the low rumble of Jackson's own moan against him, his head lifting to confirm what he had suspected. Jackson's sleep shorts were shoved down around his thighs, one hand violently jerking his cock as Mark abused his throat, the sight nearly causing him to cum right then and there. He sucked in a shaky breath, one arm falling to support his weight as he opted to enjoy the show that Jackson was putting on for him.

“That's right, Gaga. Fuck your fist while I fuck your mouth. You're so good, Gaga. I'm so close. You look so hot like that...” He trailed off as the younger male clenched his throat around his tip, a breathless moan parting his lips as he started to get sloppy with his thrusts, his balls so tight it was almost painful. “Gonna cum, Gaga. Gonna cum from your pretty lips...” He mewled, his eyes trained on the spot where the head of Jackson's cock was disappearing and reappearing between his clenched fingers. “Gaga!” He shouted, one final thrust pushing his cock as deep as possible into the hot cavern of Jackson's mouth, a slight vibration rolling against the tip as hot white heat rushed to his head and he exploded into the waiting mouth. He could feel Jackson shudder, a choked sound breaking free from his full lips as he came seconds later, spilling over his hand and dripping onto the bed sheets. He let out another shaky breath as he fell back against the bed, his spent cock popping out of Jackson's mouth and resting on his stomach as it slowly deflated; leaving him just as lifeless. “Fuck... That was so good..” He let his head loll to the side, his half lidded eyes falling to rest on Jackson who was resting on his arms, head hanging between his shoulders in attempt to catch his breath.

“I thought you'd like that.” His tone was cheeky, despite being ragged from his throat being abused and he was soon grinning up at Mark again, who let out an incredulous laugh, his mind and body too tired and sated to put up any sort of argument. He merely waved a hand at him, letting it drop back down on his stomach lifelessly, his eyes threatening to close for longer than a moment. “Don't you dare go back to sleep, Mark.” He snorted at the empty threat, his shoulders shaking with a soft chuckle and he hummed in response, knowing that Jackson would let him sleep if he truly wanted to. He didn't, but he did need a minute to compose himself after their morning activities. “I'll be right back. Gotta clean up and then I'll be back to clean you up also. Don't go anywhere.” He felt the younger male press a soft kiss to his stomach before the bed shifted and he rolled his eyes without opening them, knowing full well he wasn't going to move. He felt like a lump, a happy, loved, in love lump, but a lump nonetheless. His limbs were heavy, but in a good way, his heart was light, his mind was free and he was finally able to relax for the first time in weeks, the images of the dream the furthest thing from his mind as he heard the sound of running water come from their en suite bathroom.


	2. Reasoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson makes an unscheduled jump to ask Jaebeom what in the hell is going on.

Jackson gripped the edge of the sink, knuckles white and straining as he lost himself momentarily to the inner turmoil he was currently feeling. He stared at himself in the mirror, his face aged far more than it should be at thirty-eight, creased lines and scars littering his once smooth, flawless skin. He was amazed that Mark still wanted him with the way he looked now, far from the man he was when they had first met eleven years ago. Mark still looked the same. He always did, no matter how many times he looked at him. No matter how many times they had been through this; but Jackson changed. Every day. Every time. He cursed as he swatted at the plastic container holding two almost identical toothbrushes, the only difference being the color, the running water hopefully drowning out the sound of it clattering against the tile floor. He turned away from the mirror, grabbing a pair of discarded blue jeans and a plain black t-shirt to tug on quickly. He glared at his reflection, sucking in a breath as he reached one hand behind his right ear, hoping that Mark would stay put like he had told him to before pressing against the flesh until he heard a soft click. 

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his head buzzing as a loud screeching noise sounded in his right ear, his body feeling light and his vision blurring. He would never get used to this feeling. No matter how many times he felt it. His body felt like it was being torn limb from limb, each and every molecule of his being shredding as he slowly disappeared from the room; a loud crackle sounding as it was left empty. When Jackson opened his eyes again he was standing on a square raised metal pad with a small control panel attached to it inside of a musty garage. He let out a grunt and brushed his hands over his body quickly, making sure everything was in tact before stepping down onto the cement floor. He always hated coming here. It meant that he failed, again, but this time he was here because he needed answers and he needed them now. He stomped through the room, his bare feet sticking to floor that hadn't been cleaned in quite some time and he slammed the door open, a question on his tongue immediately.

“Yah! Jaebeom, we need to talk.” He started into the room, but stopped immediately, his eyes wide and his face twisted into the most scandalized expression he could muster as he spotted the elder male. “What the fuck?!” He shouted, one hand coming up to cover his eyes as he tried to block out the view of Jaebeom sitting on his lounger across the room, pants around his ankles, dick hard, one hand furiously pumping it to what sounded like some sort of amateur pornography coming from the laptop that was situated on his thighs.

“What the fuck yourself, Jackson. Don't you know how to knock?” Came the reply, sounding a lot less bothered by the situation than the other had been. “What the hell are you doing here anyway? Did something happen to him already? It's only been two weeks. It usually takes longer than that...” His voice shifted from amused to concerned as he moved into the second set of questions. He was blunt and he was bitter at times, but he wasn't that cold-hearted. He had barely stopped what he was doing as he spoke, hand still wrapped around his hard cock, but no longer moving; eyes trained on the other male as he waited for a response.

“Something.... For fucks sake, will you put that fucking thing away?” He peered out from between his fingers, letting out a disgusted sound as he covered his eyes again and heard the other chuckle, followed by the sound of a belt buckle jingling as pants were pulled up and a zipper was closed. “Are you decent?” He called, making sure the other had actually put himself away before removing his hand from his eyes.

“Yeah, I'm good.” He cracked his fingers apart again, not fully trusting the elder male and he sighed lowly as he dropped his arm, moving to take a seat on the edge of the bed where Jaebeom had gestured for him to sit. “Now seriously. Why are you here, Jackson? You know it's dangerous for you to jump so much. You're running out of time, you can't just come back for no reason.” The look Jaebeom was giving him was scolding, but soft; the slightly older man genuinely concerned for his well being. “What happened?” He continued, his voice low and his shoulders hunched as he settled his elbows on his knees and leaned forward to show that he was listening.

“Mark remembers.” He stated plainly, his voice devoid of any emotion, his eyes stony and body rigid as he pursed his lips.

“What do you mean he remembers?” The slight lilt in Jaebeom's voice was telling, though he merely raised one eyebrow curiously.

“I mean, like, he remembers Jaebeom. He's been having these nightmares lately. We didn't talk about it today, but I know what it was. You should have seen him. He was so pale and so scared. It's been happening every few days for the past week or so. He- He's explained a few of them to me, the details, everything. Jaebeom, he's seeing his deaths. All of them...” He let out an exasperated noise, his face burying in his hands as he threw himself back onto the bed, all of his energy suddenly dissolving and leaving him with nothing but fear. “How is this happening?” He managed to squeeze out, one hand pulling at his hair as if it would somehow help relieve the stress that he was under. A soft hum came in reply, the sound of the lounger rocking as Jaebeom stood and made his way across the room. Jackson could hear the scrape of a chair and the tapping of keys, followed by another hum. “What is it?” He knew that Jaebeom would have answers, if anyone would and he slowly sat up, shoulders slouched lifelessly as he waited for his friend to reply.

“Well.” His voice was laced with a bit of concern as well as what Jackson could only deem excitement at his discovery. “It appears that you've created a tear between our timelines, for lack of a better explanation.” He said matter-of-factly, tapping a finger on the large monitor in front of him to show a string of data that made no sense to Jackson, but someone made perfect sense to Jaebeom. 

“A tear?” He repeated back. “What does that mean?”

“It means that you've somehow linked this time, with that time; by moving between them.” He turned to face the younger male, hands folded in his lap as his eyes sparkled with interest. “You, my friend, have caused things from our timeline and all the other timelines you've existed in to leak into his timeline. That is why he's seeing things that he shouldn't be aware of. I could get into the semantics and all of that other bullshit, but I know you don't have the time nor the interest to hear them, so I will leave it at that. Your repeated movements through time caused it.” He watched with a shocked expression, his brows furrowing and his lips parting in attempt to argue that there must be something wrong with Jaebeom's explanation, but he knew there was no argument. He knew that Jaebeom was right. That he was the cause of Mark's suffering, again. 

“So, I'm the reason he's having these nightmares and that he's suffering again...” He lifeless eyes were focused on nothing in particular as he rubbed his hands against his denim clad thighs, a sign his anxiety was peaking, as he voiced his thoughts to no one in particular.

“Jackson...” he could hear Jaebeom shuffling his wheeled computer chair closer, cursing under his breath as it caught on the corner of the throw rug that his bed was situated on as he came closer. “You can't blame yourself for this.” The warmth of Jaebeom's palm rested on top of one of his hands, his own fingers curling in on themselves as he turned his head away from the older male. “You are doing everything and I mean everything in your power to protect him. Jackson, Look at me.” The voice was commanding, yet gentle and he let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding before cocking his head to the side, just enough to see the outline of Jaebeom's face. “That's not looking at me.” The hand that was on his shifted away, replacing itself on his cheek and he felt his head being maneuvered so that he was facing Jaebeom properly. He swallowed as he finally let himself take in the features of the other male. His black eyes were soft and caring. The two moles that dotted one eyelid had always been fascinating to Jackson. He let his eyes linger for a moment there, before dropping them to follow the slope of his nose and come to rest on the full lips that were currently trying to talk some sense into him. 

There was a time when he would have leaned forward to capture those lips in a bruising kiss, to bury his hands in the dark hair at the nape of Jaebeom's neck, to pull him impossibly closer, but that time had ended the day that Jaebeom decided that he wasn't what Jackson needed. What Jackson needed was Mark and Jaebeom would do everything in his power to give that to him. Jackson still felt responsible for Jaebeom, a heavy wave of guilt washing over his stomach as he swallowed thickly, his eyes snapping back up to meet Jaebeom's at the sound of him clearing his throat. He felt the color warm his cheeks at having been caught staring, both of them knowing that things would have been different if Jaebeom hadn't made his discovery. He loved Jaebeom, still, but he would never be able to truly let go of Mark. If there was a way to keep him alive. If there was a way to be together with him and to get their happily ever after then he would give up everything in the world to make that happen, even if it meant breaking his best friends heart. They had tried to make it work, and for a while it did, but when Jaebeom started waking up to the pained sound of Jackson crying in the middle of the night he knew that they couldn't go on the way that they had been forever. Now, now there was an understanding between them. 

“You should probably get going.” He nodded slowly, not really registering the words until he felt the warmth of Jaebeom's palm rescind. His clouded eyes blinking as he slowly came back to himself and he rubbed his hands on his jeans one last time.

“You're right. I told Mark to stay put, but I know how he is. He'll come looking for me if I don't show my face soon.” He smiled weakly at the elder, knowing that their time together hadn't been taken for granted, but he still had some regrets. He let out a low sigh, pushing himself off of the bed and he smiled again, more warmly this time as Jaebeom stood to walk him to the door. “Thank you, Jaebeom. For everything.” He held out a hand to shake Jaebeom's and he let out a surprised noise as the other male grabbed it and pulled him into a warm embrace.

“You don't need to thank me. I do it because I love you.” His words were nonchalant, as if they carried no weight at all. He felt Jaebeom pull back, his hands resting on Jackson's shoulders and he pushed him lightly, urging him into the cluttered garage. “Don't keep Mark waiting.” He watched the elder smile again, this time a hint of sadness in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a light pat on his shoulder before the other back stepped into the basement room and closed the door; leaving him to his thoughts.

He sighed heavily as he stared at the closed door, a part of him wishing that things were simpler, that Jaebeom hadn't found a way for him to go back. He wouldn't have had to hurt him in the way that he did if that was the case. It had been two years since they ended things, but his heart still beat heavily in his chest when he saw the elder male, his smile the brightest he had ever seen; after Marks. He knew deep down that even his love for Jaebeom couldn't replace the love he felt for Mark or erase the pain he felt from losing him. It took Jaebeom just over a year to complete his research, to find a way for Jackson to return to the past, and it had been nearly six months since he had started down this deadly and dangerous path. He turned to face the panel in the corner, the one Jaebeom had tirelessly worked to build, along with the device planted just under the skin behind his right ear that connected to it. 

He stared at it for a moment before letting his eyes wander around the room, boxes upon boxes laden with dust. Boxes that housed all of Mark's belongings. He had held on to them for the past six years, somehow hoping that by keeping Mark's things, by keeping his memory alive that he would someday reappear in his life. That it would have all just been a terrible nightmare that he would wake up from and that Mark wasn't really dead. He knew that that wasn't and never would be the case. Even if he managed to save Mark he would still have his own memories of all the times that Mark had suffered, all of the times that Mark had died. Even if he changed the future, even if he never met Jaebeom, he would still remember him and their time together. He would still love him somewhere deep down; he would still love the man that never existed for him in that timeline. Even if everything changed, Jackson would stay the same.

He coughed out loud, a bit of dust wafting into his airway and he took it as sign to stop his reverie. He let out a laugh, more of a scoff than anything and he made his way toward the pad that would send him back to a time where Mark was still alive and waiting for him. He looked at the small monitor that was attached to it, buttons and knobs that had taken some time to learn how to operate himself after the first two months of jumping. He traced his fingers over it, slowly rubbing them together and watching the dust fall away. He cleared his throat and straightened his back, stepping onto the platform and he looked down at the control panel one last time before pressing the familiar button, his eyes falling shut as he felt the never changing screech in his head before being torn apart and reappearing in front of the bathroom sink where he had been standing what seemed like hours ago. He looked himself over, his face even more tired than it was before he had left and he let out a sigh before bending to pick up the mess he had made of their toothbrushes. He tossed them in the trash, making a mental note to buy new ones before the day was over and he placed the now empty container in it's usual spot on the counter. 

“You had better not be sleeping!” He yelled, a sing song tone to his voice as he turned off the water and he plastered on the biggest smile he could muster as he opened the door to reenter the bedroom. He stopped at the foot of the bed, a genuine smile replacing the one he had forced as he took in the sight before him. Mark had, in fact, fallen asleep, hair tousled and fanning around his head in a halo as he wrapped himself around a pillow and curled in on himself. He was still naked, the comforter barely covering the bottom half of his legs and Jackson couldn't help but chuckle fondly at the sight. He knelt on the bed, pulling the blanket to cover Mark as he shivered slightly under the full blast of the air conditioning unit and he pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. “We're going to get through this, baby. I promise. No more suffering.” He whispered the promise into Mark's hair, one hand moving to ruffle it gently as he settled himself next to the love of his life and he just stared at him in contemplative silence, recounting all the times he'd had to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THAT I HURT JAEBEOM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, BUT HIS SUFFERING ADDS DEPTH TO HIS CHARACTER; OK? :D


	3. Jump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson faces the one thing he never wanted to; himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Violence, blood, major character death. Proceed with caution.

He had to prepare himself for months as Jaebeom wrote and rewrote code, built prototype after prototype, running test jumps with rodents and redoing the whole process over again until it was what Jaebeom deemed safe and functional enough for a human body. Jackson had spent his time overloading himself with physical and mental training while Jaebeom worked. He had no idea if it would work or what would happen to his mind and body if it did. Luckily, he survived and had made the jump on more than one occasion with ease, much to his dismay. Though, each time he jumped meant another failure. The first jump was the hardest. Not only was it the first time that he had to experience the pain and aftershocks of jumping, but it was the first time he had to face the one person he didn't want to have to face; himself.

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Six Months Ago – Future Timeline

Jackson's posture was almost statuesque, the way he held himself was rigid, yet poised as Jaebeom placed small monitors on his body and flipped a switch. He could hear the slow beeping and whirring of machines as Jaebeom hummed to himself, clicking wildly around on his computer screen as he checked for any signs that Jackson wasn't in the proper health for jumping. He could see him out of the corner of his eye, tapping on his chin and nodding as he finished up what he was doing and spun in his chair to address the younger male.

“Looks like you're all clear.” Jackson nodded in reply, his throat tight with nerves, though he did his best to steel himself. He sucked in a deep breath and waited patiently as Jaebeom peeled the sticky pads off of his skin and patted him on the shoulder. “You ready?” His voice was steady, but his eyes showed a bit of concern as Jackson let his eyes fall on the man who had made all of this possible.

“As ready as I'll ever be.” He managed to croak out a reply, hands rubbing nervously at the cotton sleep pants he wore. He knew that Jaebeom had set the time for his arrival to be sometime in the early am and he had for some reason kept the sleep pants that Mark had purchased for him on a whim one year. He always wore them to bed when Mark was still alive and he knew that Mark would be expecting to see the slightly worn grey sweats when he woke up next to Jackson a few hours later. He nodded his head before he stood, his hands showing slight nervous tremors and he sucked in a breath as he felt Jaebeom's warm ones grasp them gently. 

“Relax, Jackson. Everything will be alright. I promise.” For some reason he believed him, his eyes closing as he let out a shuddering breath and inhaled a much slower, deeper breath, the tight muscles in his back relaxing as he released it just as slowly. Jaebeom had a way about him, one that could make you either feel threatened or completely safe, it just depended on which way he wanted you to feel about him at the time. Currently, Jackson felt more ready than he had ever been to take on a risk that may cost him not only Mark's life, but his own. He opened his eyes and gazed at Jaebeom, his lips quirking into a fond smile as he took in his features, knowing that there was a chance he would never see him again, if this worked. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the soft click of a tongue, then found himself being spun around and marched into the garage where Jaebeom had set up the stationary platform. 

Jackson had a smaller device behind his ear, one that Jaebeom had created to implant under the skin that connected to the one in the garage as long as there was a wi-fi connection available wherever he was jumping from. It would almost instantaneously port Jackson back onto the platform if it worked properly; granted there was any need for him to return to this time. He felt himself being nudged from behind as they stopped in front of it, swallowing thickly before stepping onto it quietly and turning to face the other male again.

“Jaebeom...”

“Jackson.” He was cut off by the low tone of Jaebeom's voice, his own caught in his throat as he let his eyes settle on the tired smile that graced the other man's lips. He felt himself smiling as well, a bit of melancholy in the air as he listened mutely to the soothing sound before he readied himself to depart with the possibility of never meeting again. “You know what you have to do when you arrive, right?” He nodded his head slowly, not exactly sure how he would handle what he knew had to be done, but; it had to be done. “I hope that this works.” He could see that the same tired smile kept its place on Jaebeom's lips as he crouched down to check that the wires were all in place and he stood again to rest his hand on the control module where the date and time that he would be returning to flashed a neon green. 

“I hope that this works... and I hope that you find your happiness.” He reached out a hand, placing it on Jaebeom's cheek as he listened to his words and he let his thumb stroke the warm skin there, soft and prickly with stubble. It had been a while since Jaebeom took the time to care for himself, tirelessly working to make Jackson's dream of being with Mark again come true and he swore to himself in that moment that if this worked, that if he could save Mark, that he would find Jaebeom and thank him for everything; even if he had no idea who he was. “Goodbye, Jackson.” He was about to reply when he heard it, the sharp screeching in his head as Jaebeom flipped the switch on the module, kick starting Jackson's shift through time. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out as he felt his body vibrate, every cell coming alive as his vision blurred and he closed his eyes to block out the oncoming dizzy spell. It almost felt like an explosion when it happened, when he made the jump, his body coming apart and re-configuring itself in perfect formation as he felt his feet hit the cold tile of the bathroom floor in the small downstairs apartment that he shared with Mark, the echo of Jaebeom's final words ringing in his ears. 

“I love you, too, Jaebeom..” He whispered into the darkness before opening his eyes, his head still buzzing with electricity and his skin still tingling. He was slightly unsteady, one hand immediately shooting out to grab the edge of the sink and he sucked in a shaky breath, his head hanging low, a cough sounding as he regained his composure. He slowly looked up, meeting his own eyes in the familiar mirror and he lifted his free hand to touch his face, surprised to find that everything was in tact. “You're a genius..” He mumbled, hoping that somewhere, Jaebeom would feel his thanks. He started to chuckle, spurts of laughter coming in waves as he held onto the sink, overwhelmed with the entire scenario. He had to be dreaming, right? There was no way that Jaebeom had actually sent him back in time, back to the time when Mark was still alive, was there? He took in the sight of the closed door behind him through the mirror and he licked his lips nervously, almost afraid to let go to the sink for fear of losing his balance.

“It's okay, you got this.” He said aloud, trying to calm his nerves and steel himself for what he knew had to be done. He stood up straight and released the sink, his hands trembling again as he turned to face the door; his teeth digging into his lower lip as he steeled himself. He took one step forward, his hand reaching for the doorknob and he stepped back as it turned on it's own and he blinked in horror as he saw a mirror image of himself appear before him as it swung open. 

“What th-oomph.” The voice cut off and became a garbled mess as he clasped a hand over the mouth of the one who had just entered the room, his heart racing in a panic. He grabbed his wrist with the other hand and pulled him into the room, quickly closing the door behind him and letting his eyes fall back onto himself, six years younger. He could register the shock and confusion on the other Jackson's face, his mouth still moving while muffled noises burst forth, though he didn't put up much of a fight; still too drowsy and too confused to accept that this could be reality.

“I'm going to move my hand, but you can't scream. Okay?” He watched as the other male went rigid, not seeming to know how to react and he asked again, a little more forcefully. “Okay?” He narrowed his eyes slightly to show that he was serious, only letting his hand fall when the other slowly nodded and he couldn't help but laugh as he watched him lick his lips in the same nervous fashion that he so often found himself doing. “You're probably really confused right now.” Another nod. “But, I'm you. Six years in the future.” He stated matter-of-factly, confusion melting into shock, and then finally registering as understanding on the other's face. 

“You do look a lot like me, but how? How do I know you're really me?” Came the tired voice, sounding almost like a croak and Jackson let out an annoyed huff as he bent to roll up the left leg of his pants.

“This scar. I got it when I was twelve. I fell off my bike and I thought my mom was going to kill me. She seemed more upset that I was getting blood all over the interior of her car than she was about the fact that I was bleeding. You have the same one.” He nodded to the other's left leg, waiting as the he hesitated to repeat the action, showing off a matching scar. “And this...” He turned slightly, pulling down the collar of his shirt to reveal a small tattoo of his family name on the back of his shoulder. “Got it when I was twenty-one. I thought I was so cool. My girlfriend laughed at me and said I was a moron. Good thing I found out pretty quick just how trashy she was. Mark makes for a much better girlfriend.” He threw himself a playful wink and smirked slightly as saw the change in the other's features, finally seeming to accept that what Jackson was telling him was the truth as he turned to face him again.

“Let's say that I believe you, but why are you here?” He watched as the other Jackson stood slowly, his eyes piercing and skeptical as he crossed his arms over his chest as he awaited an explanation. He let his tongue slip out to wet his lips, his hands moving to slide into the pocket of his sweats. 

“Mark's going to die.” He didn't miss the slight tremble in his voice, nor did he miss the soft gasp that sounded at his words, his own eyes diverting their attention to anything but the figure in front of him. 

“What do you mean; Mark's going to die?” 

“Just what I said. Mark's going to die.” He repeated, not wanting to go into detail, but praying desperately that the other Jackson would understand what had to be done.

“I know what you said, but you need to explain yourself.” He heard the other Jackson spit back, arms falling at his sides and hands curling into fists as his temper started to flare. He let out an exasperated noise, his own hands coming up to pull at his hair, another bad habit that had formed since Mark's passing and he rubbed them down his face, pulling his cheeks taut and he closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling slowly to center himself before continuing.

“Where I came from... Mark isn't alive anymore. He died, on November 7th, 2025.” He recalled the date as clear as day, as if it had happened just yesterday.

“Nov.. That's three days from now. You mean to tell me that in three days time Mark is going to die?” 

“Mmm..” His only reply was a soft hum as he closed his eyes, his heart aching to recall the details of his death. All of the fighting, the anger, the regret, all of it suddenly flooding back in at once, and his adrenaline suddenly kicked in. 

“W-What can we do to stop it? We can stop it, right? That's why you're here, right?” He opened his eyes slowly at the words, his tongue swiping across his lips as he brushed past the rambling figure in front of him, his mind on autopilot as he stepped up to the toilet and opened the cabinet just above it to fish out what he knew Mark kept hidden there. He closed his fingers around it, sucking in a sharp breath as he felt the body heat of the other male encroaching on his personal space. “What can I do to help?” The voice was getting louder, more frantic and he knew that Mark would wake up if he let this go on for much longer and he slowly turned, his eyes going out of focus as he lifted his hand, pointing a small hand gun directly at the mirror image of himself.

“You can die, instead.” He squeezed the trigger of the gun after clicking off the safety, the adrenaline sending blood rushing to his head as he heard a soft pop, nothing near as loud as he expected. He dropped to his knees then, the gun clattering to the floor as he let out a gut wrenching moan; a pain unlike any he had ever felt before flooding his senses. His head was pounding, his ears were ringing, and his stomach felt like it was on fire. He could barely see through the red in his eyes. A body that looked exactly like was him slumped on the floor, blood pooling around it being the last thing he saw before he blacked out. 

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“Jackson, baby, wake up.” He heard the soft coo of a familiar voice, his eyelashes fluttering slightly as his eyelids twitched. “Jackson. Seriously, get up.” He felt a foot nudge his side, a low groan rumbling in his chest as he rubbed at his temple, a dull ache still present inside of his skull. “There he is. It's time to wake up. Why are you on the bathroom floor, by the way?” He could hear the soft chuckle in Mark's voice, his eyes immediately popping open and he rolled his head to glance in the direction of the voice, one side of his face red and puffy. He couldn't help but let out a surprised, yet happy noise, his heart swelling at the sight of Mark standing over him, his face full of concern, yet also amused. “I've never know you to sleep walk before, but this is definitely a sight.” Mark snorted as he waved his hand, Jackson finally feeling the full weight of the position. He was still on his knees, one arm tucked under his stomach, the other lying limply beside his body and his face had been plastered to the tile.

“I don't know how I got here, honestly.” He lied, knowing exactly how he had gotten here and he immediately panicked, his body shooting into a sitting position as he scanned the room for the body he had left lying in a pool of blood before he passed out. He was surprised to find that there was not only no body, but there was not a trace of blood in the entire room. He blinked a few times, wondering if everything had been a dream and he snapped to attention, looking back up at Mark when he clicked his tongue.

“Looking for this?” He swallowed as he saw Mark reveal the gun from behind his back, dangling it on one finger with a raised brow. “Exactly what were you doing in here with my handgun last night, Jackson?” He asked without missing a beat, his lips forming a slight frown. “If something is bothering you...”

“No! No, baby. No. It's nothing like that. I wasn't trying to do anything..” He quickly interrupted the other male's train of thought, wanting to remove any inkling that Jackson was suicidal from his mind. Though, in reality Jackson had contemplated it many times after Mark had passed, but here and now, Mark was alive, and Jackson wanted nothing more than to keep it that way; for the both of them. “I just.. I woke up and I couldn't fall back asleep so I went into the bathroom to do some cleaning and came across it. I guess I forgot it was there and I was surprised, so I dropped it and I must have fallen asleep or something. I have a headache, maybe I passed out. You know I get migraines from time to time.” He explained, hoping that Mark wouldn't see through his obvious lies. He really did get migraines, but he had never passed out from the pain until now and he hoped that Mark would trust him.

“Hmmm...” The sound Mark emitted was skeptical, but died off as soon as it started, a soft sigh following him as he padded across the room to replace the gun from where Jackson had taken it, stopping for a moment before he pulled it back out. “I think I need to hide this in a better spot.”

“Baby..” Jackson pleaded, climbing to his feet a bit unsteadily, closing the distance between himself and Mark, arms wrapping around the smaller male's torso and pulling him back against his chest. “I'm okay, I promise. I really did just fall asleep in here.” He nuzzled his face against the crook of Mark's neck, knowing that the other male couldn't resist it when he cuddled him and he smiled to himself at the soft hum that came from him. “Let's go back to bed, hm? I didn't sleep very well...” He kissed his way up the side of Mark's neck, lightly nipping at his earlobe and smirking when he received a gasp in reply as Mark carefully placed the handgun back where Jackson had found it.

“Okay, but we're going to actually sleep. Just because I don't have work tomorrow doesn't mean I don't want to sleep. It's four in the morning Jacks and if this happens again you need to get it checked out. Got it?” Mark's voice was commanding, but soft, his body relaxed and pliant against his own and he kissed the warm cheek next to his. As much as he wanted to kiss, hug, and make love to Mark, he knew that he was right. He needed to sleep. In his own bed. With the love of his life by his side. He was exhausted, yet he was on cloud nine, finally able to be reunited with the one person that he thought he'd never see again. He allowed himself to be pulled through the room, his arms wrapped loosely around Mark's shoulders as he lead them into the bedroom and sat on the edge of it; pulling Jackson down to join him. 

They shifted into their usual position, on their sides, with Jackson's larger body curled around Mark's and he took a deep breath; savoring the scent of his minty shampoo and kissing his tousled hair. He yawned as they settled into a routine that Jackson hadn't forgotten even in the six years that had passed since he had last slept with Mark; Mark snuggling back into him as his shallow breathing evened out and became deeper; Jackson sliding his hand under the front of Mark's shirt and rubbing his stomach in slow, delicate circles; Mark falling asleep first and Jackson just staring at the back of his head, smiling like an idiot.

“I love you, Mark..” He mumbled into his hair, his eyes finally closing as he felt all of the stress and anxiety melt from his body in Mark's presence. The soft snuffle he got in reply made him chuckle, but he knew that Mark felt the same even if he didn't get a reply. He tried not to think about the upcoming days, just wanting to enjoy the time he had with Mark right now and do his best to prevent the fight that started it all. He would cherish Mark with all that he had, loving and protecting him to the best of his ability. Now that he knew what life was like without him he would never take him for granted again. He sighed once more, pressing impossibly closer to his sleeping lover and he finally let sleep take over, his mind drifting into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get too comfortable kids, this isn't the end. ;)


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson almost forget how good it felt to be with Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just smut. You can thank my Twitter followers for this chapter. More plot will come next chapter.

Mark awoke to a familiar heat pressed against his back, Jackson's body plastered to his own. He yawned softly as he fought the consciousness that threatened to grip him wholly. He was comfortable and content, the image of Jackson on the floor with his handgun mere inches away from his fingertips nearly forgotten. His lips curved into a small smile and he let out a soft hum as he felt Jackson stir, his hips canting forward into Mark's bottom. He was hard, the firm pressure apparent against Mark's softer, more pliable flesh.

“Gaga..” He whispered, not wanting to wake him just yet if he was still dreaming. A low groan was his only reply and he chuckled to himself when he felt the other nudge against him again. A hot puff of air hit the back of his neck as Jackson buried his face against it. The hairs stood on end, a shiver running down his spine as Jackson unconsciously let his hands roam over Mark's torso. He felt himself twitch in his boxer briefs, his mind not the only part of him that was slowly waking up.

“Mark..” He was pulled from the last bit of sleep that clung to him, the breathy whine going straight between his legs. He shifted uncomfortably, his straining length caught beneath the thin fabric, trapping it against his thigh. His own breath hitched as he felt one hand slide over his stomach, the smooth skin sensitive and warm as the wandering palm moved higher. His t-shirt hitched where he was lying on it; a whine sounding followed by a mumbled curse as Jackson finally roused from his sleep. What the fuck?” Jackson's hand retracted, only to grip at the hem of Mark's shirt and pull, another whine elicited when it wouldn't budge. “Mark, help.” The command fell short of having any real authority, more of a plea than anything and Mark chuckled again as he rolled onto his back. He slowly sat up, Jackson's hand falling away as he peeled the offending garment from his form and tossed it onto the floor beside the bed.

“Better now?” He smiled down at Jackson lovingly, his eyes shrinking into crescents as he took in the sight of his lover after having just woken up. His disheveled state was endearing; hair falling in his eyes and sticking out in every direction imaginable, cheeks puffy and lined from the creases in his pillowcase, lips chapped with dried spit crusted in one corner of his mouth. It was perfect. He moved one hand to rest in Jackson's hair, gently combing his fingers through it before letting them fall to his cheek. “How did you sleep? Better than on the floor I presume.” He chuckled, thumbing at the drool that was collecting at the corner of his lips. 

“Mmm. Much better.” His voice was deep and raspy, full of sleep and his eyes were half lidded and hazy. He buried his face in Mark's neck, effectively pushing him back down onto the bed. “Missed you.” He mumbled against the skin just below Mark's ear, mouthing at it lazily.

“Missed me? I've been here the whole night, Gaga.”Mark countered, laughing at the ticklish sensation of Jackson's tongue on his skin. “Ah!” He huffed out a pleased noise as he felt teeth graze his skin, a rough, wet tongue following. He shifted his legs, his hard cock still trapped within the confines of his undergarment. “Gaga, it hurts.” He whispered, his cheeks flushing with color, embarrassment washing over him as he silently begged to be released.

“Hmm.. Where does it hurt, baby?” Jackson teased, lips and tongue still bathing the skin of his neck with warmth, his teeth nipping at his collarbone as he made his way lower. He smirked when Mark groaned in reply, still shy even after all of their years together and he moved back to look him in the eye. His cheeks were flushed a pretty pink, one side caved in where he chewed on the inside of it, his red lips plump and inviting. He leaned closer, his own lips barely brushing against Mark's as the elder let out a soft whimper, hips rolling into the air helplessly.

“Gaga, please.” Mark was getting desperate, the tightness of his boxer briefs paired with the increasing flow of blood to his cock making the pain almost unbearable. “Take them off.” He nudged Jackson with his head, tilting his chin down in the direction of his straining arousal and he let out a content noise when he finally felt the other man's fingers graze the skin above his waistband. He held his breath, his eyes closing and his mind becoming hyper aware of how close Jackson was to him. He could feel the heat radiating from the other man's body, still half draped over Mark's own as he slipped the tips of his fingers past the elastic band of Mark's boxer briefs in a teasing manner. The action pulled an annoyed grunt from the elder male, his brows furrowing as he jerked his leg to lightly knee Jackson in the side. “Stop teasing.” He huffed, one hand moving blindly to swat at his shoulder.

Jackson chucked lowly, his breath ghosting over Mark's skin. He lingered near his ear, his lips capturing the lobe as he tugged at the band of his boxer briefs, finally freeing Mark from his cloth cage. He sucked on the soft flesh as he eased the fabric down, tapping Mark's hip for him to raise his butt off of the mattress before continuing to slide the undergarment down to his knees. He pulled away from Mark again, but not before pressing a warm kiss just beneath his ear, his eyes falling to rest of the heavy cock now lying hard and unrestrained against Mark's stomach as he moved to straddle Mark's legs. He licked his lips, hands smoothing down Mark's sides and resting on his hips. He rubbed soft, slow circles in his skin, watching as Mark's eyes fluttered open to look up at him through long, dark lashes, a weak smile on his lips.

“Fuck, you look so good like this.” Jackson mumbled, his fingertips spreading out to touch every inch of skin he could possibly reach from where his hands lie. He had missed this, had missed Mark, so much. He pushed his hands back up his sides, moving to trace over his stomach and chest, stopping to brush over his nipples briefly before making their way back down to his hips. He shuffled backwards, sliding to the foot of the bed, his hands pulling Mark's boxer briefs with him and he carefully tugged them off of his feet and discarded them on the floor. He continued his exploration of Mark's skin, lips joining his fingers as he slowly made his way back up the bed, pushing Mark's legs apart as he went. He pressed his hands beneath his knees, pushing them into the are to drape them over his shoulders and he settled himself between two milky thighs. His eyes were dark as he glanced up at his lover, his tongue coming out to wet his lips before he pressed them to one thigh, trailing soft kisses across warm skin.

He pursed his lips to blow on the wet spot, smirking when it caused Mark to shiver and he repeated the action on his other thigh, reveling in the way Mark squirmed and practically begged to be touched without so much as a word. He finally obliged, wrapping one hand around Mark's cock, his skin hot to the touch, the tip leaking precum onto his stomach. He stroked him slowly from base to tip, twisting his hand on the upstroke and he hummed in appreciation at the noise it roused from the elder. He slid his free hand lower, his thumb pulling Mark's supple ass cheeks apart and he blew a hot breath against the twitching hole he found there; amused when Mark jerked in response. He raised his eyes to Mark's face, eyes closed, lips parted to let out soft gasps whenever Jackson would stroke him the way he liked it, his eyebrows furrowing when he'd stop moving his hand altogether. He liked to draw it out sometimes, to tease and pull Mark apart bit by bit, savoring each and every inch of him, each and ever facial expression, noise, and twitch of his body before wrecking him. 

He finally gave in to his own desire, releasing Mark's cock, much to Mark's chagrin and he parted his cheeks further, his tongue swiping across the hole in one smooth stroke. He followed up by digging the tip of his tongue into the rim, barely pushing it past the tight ring of muscle and he kneading Mark's straining thighs gently with his fingertips as he eased it deeper before pulling it out and teasing him with just the tip. He lapped at the muscle a few more times, his nose bumping the heavy ball sac that rested just inches above his hole, the musky scent invading his nostrils as he worked Mark open with his tongue. He thrust it inside slowly, licking at the inner walls and withdrawing it, only to repeat the action a few more times until he was satisfied he was loose enough to take something more solid. He pulled away from a moment, resting his cheek against Mark's thigh and he waited for him to open his eyes before voicing his request.

“Lube.” Mark nodded once, already knowing that was what Jackson would request as soon as he opened his eyes. He stretched one arm across the bed, struggling to reach the night stand and he finally tugged the drawer open and dug around until he found what he was looking for. He pulled it free and pushed the drawer closed, tossing the bottle watermelon flavored lubricant towards Jackson. His lips quirked into an amused smile when it bounced off of his head, falling onto the mattress next to him and Jackson scowled in mock anger. He yelped when the other male slapped his thigh, laughing when he kissed the reddening spot and picked up the bottle. He heard the familiar snap of the cap, his head falling back down onto his pillow and he relaxed as he waited patiently for the initial sting of being penetrated to come. He only slightly jolted when it came, the light pressure of Jackson's finger against his rim before it pushed it's way inside; slowly easing in to the first knuckle. He could feel the soft caresses of Jackson's other hand, rubbing and soothing his thigh, his lips pressing hot against the inside of his knee to ease the discomfort. He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding as he felt the finger slide deeper, finally reaching as far as it could. He gasped softly as Jackson began a slow pace, the single finger sliding in and out, gently stroking his inner walls and he bit down on his lip as a second joined it, the stretch a bit more uncomfortable this time. 

“Shh...” Jackson cooed, his lips still pressing loving kisses along the insides of Mark's thighs and under his knees as he worked Mark open with two fingers. He trailed his lips up the expanse of one thigh, working his way across his hip to the still hard and leaking cock, taking the tip between his lips and sucking skillfully. He took the length in deeper, his tongue flat against the underside and he sucked as he bobbed his head in time with the thrusts of his fingers; trying to district from the discomfort of adding a third finger. He thrust them into Mark's heat a couple of times before scissoring them, feeling the walls give way and allowing for an easier slide, finally aiming to please rather than stretch. He dug his fingertips into the place he knew would send a shockwave of pleasure coursing up his spine. He coughed slightly as Mark's hips jerked, popping off of his cock to catch his breath; a soft apology greeting his ears and he chuckled softly. 

“Sorry..” Mark flushed, his voice almost inaudible as he squirmed and let out a harsh cry when Jackson thrust his fingers into his prostate again, his eyes squeezed shut tightly and his cock twitching as it leaked more precum onto his already sticky stomach. His thighs tensed up as he jolted again, Jackson relentless with his ministrations and he huffed out a breath, a complaint on his tongue, his tone scolding. “That's enough.. I'm ready. If you keep doing that I'm going to cum without you.”

Jackson scoffed in response, jabbing at Mark's prostate one more time and smirking at the strangled noise it elicited, finally slipping his fingers free and he slid off the edge of the bed to remove his own sleep shorts, his cock springing up and slapping against his stomach as soon as it was freed. He shimmied out of his shorts and climbed back onto the bed, reaching for the discarded bottle of lube and popping it open to apply a liberal amount to his cock. He tossed it to the side, settling himself between Mark's thighs again and pulling his legs around his hips before lining himself up. He grunted as he breached his entrance, the slick heat sucking him in greedily as he slowly sank into it until he was fully sheathed inside. He rest on his elbows, caging Mark in as he withdrew and pushed back in slowly, watching the way Mark's features contorted from relaxed to pleased.

Mark scrambled to hold on to Jackson, his arms wrapping around his shoulders as he opened his eyes to look up at him, smiling shyly when he was met with dark eyes and full lips just inches away from his own. He raised his head off of the pillow, pleased when Jackson met him halfway, their lips crashing together in a heated kiss. He moaned softly, his lips parting and allowing Jackson to press his tongue into his awaiting mouth. He could taste himself on his tongue, a mixed flavor of musk and watermelon lube shared between them. He was pliant and accepting, letting Jackson take full control and set the pace as he explored each and ever crevice of Mark's mouth; his hips rolling slightly to meet each of his thrusts. He dropped his head back down to the pillow, pulling Jackson with him and tangling his fingers in his hair. It was coarser than he remembered, thick and hard to maneuver his fingers through, but that was something to question later; his lower half aching with want.

Jackson groaned into the kiss, loving the way Mark's fingers gripped and tugged at his hair as he thrust into him slowly, his tongue swiping at the roof of Mark's mouth. He etched every centimeter of it into his memory, not wanting to ever forget the way he felt, tasted, smelled, moved again. He rolled his hips a bit more forcefully, his pace still slow, but more powerful as he finally broke the kiss to nose at Mark's neck, his breath coming in short bursts. He inhaled the sweet scent of Mark's shampoo, still lingering from the shower he took the night before and he kissed down the side of his neck, his tongue darting out to taste the salty skin. He groaned when Mark pulled his hair again, his hips stuttering and he rolled his hips, nudging the head of his cock against Mark's prostate without pulling out. He could feel the him twitch around him, his legs gripping his hips like a vice and he bit down at the junction of Mark's throat and shoulder; sucking hard and with purpose. He sucked for a few moments, finally pulling away and sucking in a breath as he admired the bruise that was beginning to bloom with color on the creamy skin; Mark's own breathing ragged and louder than usual.

“Gaga..” Mark broke him out of his reverie, his voice strained as he squeezed him between his thighs and let his hand fall to the back of his neck; idly playing with the hair there. He smiled down at him, catching his soft gaze with one of his own and he pressed his lips against his forehead gently, then his temple, his cheekbone, his jaw, and finally kissed his pouting lips again; swallowing down the moan that tried to escape. He started to move more freely again, shifting his hips back and thrusting forward, shaking Mark's smaller frame with the force of it and pulling a moan from both of them. He repeated the action, taking Mark's breath away with each thrust, his pace quickening. He could feel the heat begin to pool in his stomach, the heat around his cock delicious and driving him forward. He dropped his forehead to rest against Mark's shoulder, smiling into it as he felt the elder male tighten his grip on his shoulders, pulling him impossibly closer and he grunted as his thrusts became more shallow and more uneven; almost rutting against him mindlessly. 

“Gonna cum...” He mumbled against Mark's neck, his lips mouthing at the warm skin as he slid his arms to wrap around Mark's back, holding him close as he felt the coil unwind, his balls pulling taut as he thrust a few more times and came with shuddering force, his eyes closing as he moaned into Mark's skin. He let his breathing slow for a few moments before lifting his upper body, his eyes downcast to where Mark was still hard and untouched. He slowly rolled his hips, sucking in a sharp breath at the over stimulation, but continued to move; one hand reaching between them to grip Mark's cock. He immediately felt the clench around him, Mark's walls twitching as Jackson angled his thrusts to directly press into his prostate as his hand worked him. He watched Mark's face closely, his eyelashes fluttering as his lips parted to let out soft pants and moans that increased in volume as Jackson pushed him towards his own release. He squeezed the head of his cock as he reached the tip, his thumb swiping through the precum and smearing it down the side, the slide rough, but pleasurable. He increased his pace, dragging his fist up and down Mark's pulsing length, timing each thrust into his prostate with a flick of his wrist for just the right amount of friction and he hummed as he felt the other male tense, a long whine releasing as his eyes squeezed shut and he came all over his stomach and Jackson's hand.

“Gaga...” Mark mewled, breathless and spent, his body falling boneless against the mattress as he let his arms fall from around Jackson's neck. “I love you.” He smiled weakly, melting Jackson's heart as he lie in a mess of his own sweat and cum as Jackson carefully withdrew his deflated cock and flopped next to him on the bed. He smiled when the younger male nuzzled into his neck, one arm flung across his chest and a leg draping over his hip in complete disregard for the mess they had to clean up. He turned his head to gaze at his lover, kissing his forehead softly and letting out a soft yawn. He was content and comfortable, not ready to move and he enjoyed the warmth of Jackson at his side, his hot breath on his neck stuffy, but not enough to make him pull away.

“I love you, too, Mark.” Jackson lifted his face away, taking in the sight of him, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, his cheeks flushed from the exertion and his lips red and bitten. He leaned forward to press one last kiss to his lips before pulling himself away reluctantly, though knowing they needed to clean up before they left any stains. “I'll be right back. We gotta clean up and then I'll make some breakfast. Sound good?” He smiled when Mark hummed and nodded in reply, his eyes never leaving Jackson's form as he padded out of the bedroom and into the bathroom to get a warm, wet cloth before he re-entered the room and gently started to wipe Mark down. He carefully tended to him, making sure to clean up the sweat from his face and neck before wiping away the cum on his stomach and between his thighs. He finally reached his puffy hole, carefully swiping at the sensitive flesh and making sure he was clean before he gave himself a quick once over with the cloth and he pressed another kiss to Mark's forehead. “Just get dressed and rest here okay, baby? I'll come get your when breakfast is ready.” He made sure to commit the image of Mark lying there comfortably, fucked out and pliant as he smiled softly and nodded his head before closing his eyes and drifting off. “I hope this time I won't forget..” He mumbled to himself as he turned to tug on his sleep shorts and grab a shirt from the dresser before taking one last look at Mark and heading into the kitchen to cook breakfast.


	5. Nightlife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson had planned a quiet day at home with Mark, but it quickly went from disappointing to devastating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic depictions of violence and sexual assault. You have been warned. If you would like to read the chapter and avoid the noncon scene it is marked as such and you can just skip to the place marking the end of it.

“Mark. Angel, wake up.”

Jackson's voice was low and sweet, one knee dipping the mattress next to where Mark had drifted off again. His eyelashes were long and fanned out against porcelain skin, casting a soft shadow on round cheeks under the light that streamed in through the blinds. He looked so peaceful and Jackson swore to commit the image to memory, chuckling softly to himself as Mark began to stir. Large eyes blinked open, looking up at him through those very same lashes as he stretched, bones cracking and muscles straining as he yawned. A warm smile graced pink lips as he hummed and settled back into the mattress comfortably, paying no mind to the fact that he was still stark naked.

“Hey Gaga...”

“You ready to eat, Princess?”

Jackson wanted nothing more than to crawl back into the bed and cuddle Mark. To wrap himself up in his warmth. His love. To cage Mark in and keep him safe, but he knew that wasn't the way to save him. Locking him inside and keeping him captive might keep him alive, but not happy. He fought the growing urge to do just that, plastering his brightest smile on his lips and he reached out a hand to push his fingers through Mark's already tousled hair. He was beautiful. Even with the stubble that almost looked like it was airbrushed on his skin, even with the way his cheeks had filled out since they had grown a bit older. He was no longer as lean as he had once been, but even so; to Jackson he was perfect. He smiled as he appreciated the way Mark turned into the touch, his head nuzzling against his palm and he ruffled the soft black strands before reaching for Mark's wrists and pulling him into a sitting position. 

“Let's get you dressed, huh?”

Mark flopped bonelessly against Jackson, nuzzling into the side of his neck and yawning again. He had a bad habit of messing around in the moments in which Jackson was trying to get him to do something, but he just wanted to be lazy. This seemed to be one of those moments. With a shake of his head and a sigh, Jackson hesitantly peeled himself away from his lover and walked to their shared dresser to pull out a clean pair of boxer shorts. He then moved to the closet and picked out a pair of black skinny jeans with holes in the knees, one of Mark's favorite things to wear, and a sleeveless black shirt. He could feel Mark's eyes on him as he emerged with the outfit, a brow cocked curiously at the choices and he quickly rushed to drop them in Mark's lap. Mark looked down at the pile of clothes, then back up at Jackson, question on his tongue, but it died the instant he saw the way Jackson was staring at him with such adoration.

“I'll be out in a minute, okay?” 

Mark promised, urging Jackson back into the kitchen so that he could change in peace. As much as he loved having Jackson around he could be a bit much. He was similar to an energetic puppy, constantly watching and waiting, showering Mark with love and praises. While he enjoyed the affection and the attention, sometimes he just needed to be able to put on his clothes without feeling like prey being watched by a hawk, which is exactly what Jackson was doing right now; watching. 

“Ok. I'll get everything plated up and meet you at the table.”

Jackson agreed and made his way back out of the room to leave Mark alone. He knew that Mark needed space sometimes, as much as he needed Mark around most of the time. It had been hard at first, Jackson's clingy, talkative nature almost overwhelming the much more distant and quiet man, but they had fallen into a routine. A routine that worked for them. A routine where if Mark signaled that he needed space, Jackson would give it to him and vice versa. Where Jackson needed attention, Mark would give it. There was rarely a time when they refused to comply with the other, but those times had been hard. Fights breaking out when Mark just wanted to be left alone to destress, but Jackson was in his face, demanding to be coddled. Jackson was just glad that he had Mark to fight with again.

“Smells amazing.. Thank you, Gaga.”

Mark's voice broke Jackson out of his thoughts as he spooned a mixture of eggs, bacon, and vegetables onto Mark's plate. He glanced up from what he was doing, a wide smile breaking out across his face as he took in the sight before him. Mark looked glorious in the outfit that Jackson had chosen for him, black denim hugging thighs and hips in all the right places, the sleeveless shirt showing off arms that were less defined than they had been years ago, but were still lean and showed his strength. His hair was slightly styled off of his forehead now, a bit of product pushing it out of his eyes and to the side. He smiled back at Jackson, catching the other off guard and sending a rush of heat to his cheeks before he coughed and went back to filling their plates with food as Mark approached and took his seat at the table. 

“You're welcome. Let's eat!”

Jackson set down the pan he had been holding onto a coaster in the middle of the table, food still steaming hot. He bowed his head and said a quick prayer before taking his seat across from Mark and digging in. He let out a satisfied hum as he savored his first bite, a perfect mix of flavors blending together on his tongue. He could hear the soft hum from the other side of the table, Mark having taken a bite as well and he could feel his pride swell at the knowledge that Mark was also enjoying his meal. They ate in mostly silence, a few hums and groans of appreciation as they devoured their food in record time and settling back into their chairs with the hands on their stomachs.

“That was delicious.”

Mark broke the silence first, sharing his delight at the meal Jackson had prepared for them, the warmth in his eyes making Jackson's heart swell. He smiled in response, unable to form words in his current state of bloat and he let his head fall back against the headrest as he closed his eyes. He stayed silent, just listening to the clatter of plates and silverware, the sound of the cabinet being opened and food being deposited into plastic containers, the refrigerator opening as Mark set the leftovers inside before turning on the sink to wash the dishes. It was their routine. Whoever did the cooking, the other did the clean up. It was nice, it was comfortable, it was home. He let his eyes slide open and his head turn slowly, watching as Mark's back stretched and flexed with each motion of his arms, washing and rinsing each dish and then setting it into the drying rack on the counter next to the sink. He had missed this, missed Mark, missed them. 

He was pulled out of his reverie by the distant sound of a phone ringing, the ringtone quite distinctly that of the one Mark used for the camp director. He could see Mark visibly tense and sigh, wiping his hands on the dish towel and turning off the sink before he padded into their bedroom to answer the call. He let his eyes follow him, the sound of Mark's voice wafting out of the room as he chatted with the person on the other line. He could hear his voice grow louder, a tone almost akin to anger permeating his usual soft tone and he quirked as brow as he shifted in his chair, resisting the urge to eaves drop. He could hear Mark curse as the call seemed to end and he sat quietly, waiting for Mark to re-emerge. It took longer than expected and he frowned, finally pushing his still too full body to stand and wander into the doorway. His frown deepened, brows furrowing as he saw Mark taking off the clothes he had chosen for him, his stomach dropping as he yanked the shirt off of his head and tossed it to the floor with an angry huff.

“Angel, what's wrong?”

Mark visibly flinched at the words, causing Jackson's stomach to drop and he cleared his throat before continuing.

“Why are you taking off the clothes I picked out for you?”

Mark turned with another sigh, his shoulders hunched and his eyes downcast, as if he couldn't bring himself to meet Jackson's gaze. He bit down on his lip as he had a tendency to do when he was nervous or frustrated, in this case both, and he mumbled out an apology.

“I have to go in to the office. I'm sorry, Gaga. I know you wanted to spend time together today. I was supposed to be at home with you, but something happened with the students files for the upcoming winter camp and I have to try to restore them.”

His words came out in a rush, almost too quickly for Jackson to comprehend, but he heard all that needed to. Mark was leaving. He wasn't staying home, with Jackson, where he was safe. He was going out. To work. To a place where Jackson couldn't keep an eye on him and this caused Jackson to panic.

“Can I come with you?”

Despite already knowing the answer to that question, it was all he could muster, eyes hopeful and tongue caught in his cheek.

“You know that you can't Jacks... The information I have to restore is confidential.”

“But...”

“No buts. I shouldn't be gone too long. I will be home before it gets dark. I promise.”

He waited for Jackson to reply, but only got a weak nod instead, another sigh escaping before he turned back to the closet to pull out an outfit that was appropriate for work and he peeled off the jeans Jackson had chosen for him forlornly. He had wanted to stay home, to spend his day lounging around, watching movies and playing games with his lover, but as always, something had happened that was out of his control. He knew that Jackson was hurt, but he knew that he would get over it. He knew that Jackson knew that this was Mark's job, Mark's program, Mark's pride at stake if the problem wasn't fixed immediately. He knew that, and yet he still felt the sting of rejection as he turned and made his way into the living room to sit on the couch and stew. It only took a few more minutes before Mark had changed and was standing behind him, leaning over to place a soft kiss on his cheek with another promise of coming home soon as Jackson stared at the blank television screen, having not even bothered to turn it on. He nodded his head again, his teeth trapping his bottom lip between them as Mark sighed and turned to walk away. He quickly spun in his seat, reaching up to grab Mark's wrist without thinking.

“Please be careful. I love you..”

The smile he received in return was perfect, full of white teeth and round cheeks and radiant warmth; Mark's free hand moving to clasp Jackson's softly and stroke the back of it with his thumb.

“I will. I love you too, Gaga. I'll see you tonight.”

He gently pried Jackson's hand off of his wrist, the grip almost painful and he gathered up the rest of his things before he exited the apartment and headed to the office, leaving a very anxious Jackson behind. He stared at the door through which Mark had just walked, almost as if he watched it for long enough Mark would reappear and come running into his arms. He knew it was a long shot, but a long shot wasn't an impossibility. After several moments of losing the staring contest with the door he huffed and sank back down onto the couch properly, his eyes searching for the remote control. Once he found it he flipped through the channels until he settled on a movie he had already seen far too many times and had no real interest in paying attention to. At least it was noise. The quiet of the apartment was almost too much to bear. He tried to focus on the screen, to follow the story line that he already knew so well, but he couldn't get his mind off of Mark, television being too mindless to distract him. He finally groaned and picked up the remote again, clicking the television off and he glanced around the apartment, looking for something to do. 

He remembered that Mark had been in the middle of washing their breakfast dishes, despite it being just past noon and he heaved himself off of the couch and made his way into the kitchen to finish up the chore. He peered into the sink as he reached it, finding only one pan and a serving spoon he had used left to wash. Sighing, he turned on the water and let it run until it was hot, his eyes dancing around the room idly. It was a pretty boring kitchen, to be quiet honest, if the lack of wallpaper and other decorations said anything about it. It was basic. They had a refrigerator/freezer combo, an oven, a microwave, a coffee pot, a toaster, and a sink. They needed little more than that, though sometimes Jackson wished that Mark would just let him keep his blender out in the open. He used it almost daily. He chuckled at the thought of the arguments that they had had over it, Mark threatening to just toss it in the trash if Jackson didn't stop leaving it, sloppy and smelling like a mixture of eggs and spices on the counter nearly every morning. It was nice to think about their time together, even the times when they had fought and Jackson almost forgot what he had come into the kitchen for until the heat of the tap water scalded his hand.

He pulled it back in reaction, hissing at the sting and he glared down at the sink before turning the temperature down a bit and picking up the dish rag to finish off what Mark had left behind. Once he was done there, he scanned the room, spotting small things here and there that could be tidied up and he set to work on getting their apartment clean while he waited for Mark. He started with the trash, gathering up any papers and bits of things that didn't belong and tossing them into the bin until it was full. He pulled the empty bag out of the bin and tied it off, setting it aside as he wandered from room to room, gathering up their respective bags of trash and placing them with the other. He continued his day this way, finding odds and ends lying around that needed to be put in their rightful place, dust that needed to be wiped off, carpets that needed to be vacuumed, and a bed that needed to be made. He took a break after a couple of hours had passed, standing over their bed and taking in the mess that it was. Their pillowcases were twisted and half falling off, their blankets piled in the middle of the bed in no real shape that could actually be determined and their mattress threatening to tip off of the edge of the frame and onto the floor. He shook his head as he walked out of the room, heading back into the kitchen to eat before continuing to his next task.

He made himself a quick bite to eat, easily throwing together a salad that was loaded with organic greens and vegetables from a local farmers market and he settled himself down in front of the television again, this time opting to turn on the news. He ate in silence as he watched the headlines flash by, reporters chattering on about a car accident that had happened on the highway heading into the city, a harvest festival that was happening this weekend and a house fire that had occurred in the next town over. He felt a pang of sadness wash over him for the people who had lost their home, his eyes trained on the images that flashed before him. He continued eating as the news droned on, the rest of it boring and nothing to be alarmed about. He finished up after several minutes had passed, a loud belch resonating in the empty apartment as he patted his once again full stomach. He grinned to himself and stood, remote in one hand as he flicked off the television, not catching the latest headline to flash across the screen in his haste to get back to cleaning; hoping that Mark would be pleased when he finally arrived home to see how much Jackson had done in his absence. 

BREAKING NEWS: SERIAL RAPIST IN ITAEWON.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jackson had spent the last hour arranging and rearranging the closet, his anxiety peaking as he hadn't heard from Mark since he left. The dishes were done and put away, the trash taken out, the floors swept, mopped, and all but waxed. The toilet and shower were scrubbed, the living room was vacuumed, the bed made, laundry washed and folded. He was on edge and he was about to lose his mind and storm into the kitchen to pick up his phone that was discarded on the table and call Mark when a set of arms wrapped themselves around his waist, causing a shriek to erupt from his throat. He felt the body behind him stiffen, pulling away in shock and he turned on his heel, coming face to face with a wide eyed Mark.

“Mark! Holy shit, you scared me. Where have you been? It's dark already. You said you'd be home soon, but it's been hours.”

His words came out in a flurry, panic laced with relief and making him nearly incomprehensible. His whole body sagged and he lurched forward, throwing himself into Mark and effectively sending Mark crashing backwards into the dresser just outside of the closet.

“Oof. I was at work. It took longer than expected, I'm sorry. I brought take out, though. Your favorite.”

Mark tried, hoping that hearing that he was being fed would cheer up the Chinese man practically crushing his body under his weight. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around Jackson loosely, letting him snuggle into him for a few more minutes before kissing the top of his head and pleading with him to let him go because the dresser was hurting his back and their food was going to get cold if they didn't eat it soon. He smiled when Jackson looked up at him, his eyes shimmering with affection and unshed tears that he had been holding back for some time while he waited for Mark to return. He let out a fond noise as he pressed another soft kiss to his forehead, ushering him out of the room when he finally backed away enough to let Mark lead him into the kitchen and they sat across from each other, Jackson squealing with glee as Mark pulled out his tub of food and placed it in front of him.

“You're the best, angel.” 

Jackson had felt relief at Mark's return, all of his nervous energy having left him immediately. Now all he felt was hunger and the desire to sit with Mark quietly as they ate. He took in Mark's tired appearance, his eyes dark and hair mussed, his shoulders slumped as he ate his food in silence. He had hoped for Mark to return sooner, wanting nothing more than to spoil him rotten and take him out for dinner after proudly showing off all of his hard work cleaning the apartment, but his heart warmed with the gesture of Mark bringing dinner home as an apology. He was quickly forgiven. 

“Did you do all of this while I was gone?”

Mark gestured to the empty dish rack and then to the living room, where everything had been tidied up.

“Ah, yeah. I got a bit antsy while I waited for you, so I decided to clean up a bit...”

“It looks good. Thank you.”

He was blushing despite the fact that this is what he wanted. He had wanted Mark to notice and praise him for his hard work. He smiled down at his food, hiding his burning cheeks from Mark, but he could feel Mark's eyes burning holes in his head as he chuckled and went back to eating. They continued to eat, idle chatter between them about the problems Mark had run into while trying to restore the lost information and the things Jackson had found while cleaning, including the rubber chicken Yugyeom had sent as a joke one year for Jackson's birthday. He had thought it had gotten thrown out years ago. They laughed as they reminisced about that time, back when everyone was still tight knit group. They still talked to them and met up once a month for drinks when they could, but with Yugyeom moving back home to help care for his grandmother, Bam Bam traveling for fashion shows as a clothing designer, and Jinyoung having his first child on the way it was much harder to spend time with their friends. The only one they still saw on a regular basis was Youngjae.

“Hey, why don't we go out tonight. Just the two of us..”

Mark suggested, knowing that they both had another free day the next day and really needing to unwind after his long day of fighting with a computer and an overbearing camp director. He felt like a drink or several were in order and he could always go for a long night of dancing with Jackson in a crowded room where they practically had to fuse together to even exist in the swell of bodies.

“I don't know. I thought a nice long bath and a movie would be fun. You've been out all day, why not stay in with me?”

Jackson tried to argue, but he knew how stubborn Mark was when he wanted to go out. He sighed when he got that look, the one that he knew that Mark knew that he couldn't resist. The one where Mark dipped his face and looked up at Jackson through his lashes, where he parted his lips and licked them before turning them into a pretty pout, the one that turned Jackson into a puddle that would set the world on fire if Mark asked him to. He shook his head, trying to muster the strength to fight when he felt Mark's foot graze his thigh, eyebrows shooting so high up that they almost reached his hairline and he gave a pout of his own before grumbling out a hestitant “fine” which was followed by a victory yell from Mark who scrambled from the table to throw away his empty food cartons and change his clothes. He sank into his seat as his ego deflated, having completely lost to Mark and he scrunched his nose before following suit. Mark was back in the attire Jackson had chosen for him earlier when he entered the room, his back leaning to rest against the door frame as he took in the sight for the second time that day. 

“Hey good looking, think a guy could get a date?”

Mark laughed in response, rolling his eyes before sauntering up to Jackson, hips swaying with allure as he crowded into his space.

“Sorry. I've got a boyfriend.”

He turned away quickly and dodge Jackson's attempt to grab him before dancing into the en suite bathroom to do his makeup. It had been a while since they had gone out and Mark was excited. He wanted to make the night enthralling and fun, carefully choosing a kohl eyeliner and smudging it under his eyes before patting a bit of shimmery powder on the apples of his cheeks. He smiled at his reflection, swiping a bit of clear gloss on his lips to make them appear more full and he restyled his hair effortlessly as he waited for Jackson to get changed. He could hear the soft padding of footsteps behind him as said man appeared behind him, his reflection skewed by Mark's own. He turned and rested the small of his back against the sink as he gave Jackson a once over, an exaggerated whistle slipping from between his lips as he waggled his eyebrows

“I may have changed my mind, what my boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him.”

He blew Jackson a kiss playfully, laughing when the other grabbed him by the hips and pulled him flush against his body, the heat in his gaze nearly enough to burn. He let out a choked noise when Jackson backed him into the sink, the pressure of it almost painful and he let out a shuddering breath when Jackson mouthed at his neck hotly.

“Jac-Jacks... Come on, you need to finish getting re-ah!”

He stuttered, trying to fight off his much larger, much stronger boyfriend. He could feel the smirk against his skin, Jackson dropping his hands to the edges of the sink and caging him in before pulling back to grin at him. He reached one hand up to cup Mark's cheek, his thumb brushing across it carefully, smearing the glittery powder as it moved.

“You're gonna mess up my make up...”

His voice was soft and weak, his affinity for Jackson much stronger than his affinity for his makeup and he bit his lip as he waited for the kiss he expected to come. But it never did. He blinked in confusion, eyes flicking up to meet Jackson's and he nearly melted at the way he seemed to just curiously study Mark's features as if trying to commit them to memory. He stood still, letting Jackson just stare at him for several moments before the position become uncomfortable and he let out a light cough to pull Jackson out of his trance. He could feel him jerk his hand back, his eyes darting to the floor as he fidgeted and stepped back away from Mark. He was able to properly look at him now, a pair of tight black jeans caging in thick thighs, a black mesh shirt showing off defined abs and a denim vest, deep red in color that cut off just below his rib cage that Mark had purchased for him when he was on a business trip in America the year before. 

“Wow, Jacks... You look..”

“Amazing? I know.” 

“Ugh. Alright, just do your makeup and let's go. I really need a drink.”

Mark rolled his eyes and slapped Jackson's chest lightly, stepping around him to let Jackson put on a bit of red eye shadow and black eyeliner, opting to stay away from the glitter himself. He stood at his back, watching as he carefully applied his makeup and swept his bangs off of his forehead, using a small bit of styling cream to keep them in place before he spun in place, waiting for Mark's approval. He gave him a thumbs up, reaching for his wrist and tugging him back through the door to the bedroom and further into the short hallway near the front door. He pulled their coats out from the closet and dug out his casual shoes, pushing Jackson's towards him and he slipped them on before tugging the plush coat over his small frame, smiling when Jackson did the same, finally ready to head out for the night. He sucked in a sharp breath as the chilled air hit his exposed skin when he opened the door, instantly shrinking back into Jackson and tugging the collar of his coat up around his cheeks. He huffed when Jackson nudged him forward, muttering something about how Mark was the one who wanted to go out despite the bitter chill in the air. 

It was crisp and clean surprisingly enough for the city and Jackson wound his arms around Mark protectively as they made their way down the low staircase of their front porch and walked the short distance to the sidewalk. He pulled away just long enough for Mark to huff at the loss of warmth before stepping up to his side and lacing their bare fingers together. He smiled at the way Mark hummed, eyes peering at him from just above the raised collar of his fur lined winter coat. They walked in silence, taking in the sights and sounds, cars passing by from time to time; the crunch of gravel oddly comforting. It was a peaceful evening, their neighborhood one of the more quiet residential areas. A dog could be heard barking in the distance, followed by another responding to it's call, the air alight with twinkling street lamps and a few scattered constellations dotting the otherwise black sky as they continued towards the nightclub. 

Soon the quiet gave way to noise, music thumping pleasantly through the airwaves as they neared the nightlife district. Loud chatter and drunken attempts at singing along with the latest songs could be heard as flashing neon signs and crowds of college students came into view, some of them already visibly intoxicated. They could hear the disgruntled shouts of a bouncer calling out threats at disruptive patrons as they edged closer. Jackson could feel Mark huddle closer as they weaved their way through the crowd, aiming for a destination that was a little less crowded and a little more intimate. He slipped his hand free from Mark's, his arm curling around his lower back to pull him tight against his side, hand resting possessively on his hip. They carefully side stepped what appeared to be the start of a fist fight and they rounded the corner onto a much quieter street. There was still the pulse of music in the air, still a thrum of voices singing along with current popular songs, but none of the violent outbursts or drunken slurs tossed their way as they passed through a crowd of intoxicated frat boys before rounding the corner. Here they were welcome. Here they were safe.

Jackson smiled warmly at the small group of people near the entrance of the first club they came upon, most of them shivering in their club attire, their obvious dependence on nicotine outweighing their desire to stay warm. A few of them smiled back, Jackson recognizing one or two of them from the times he and Mark had visited the club before. As they breezed by the group and stepped up to the bouncer at the door they fished out their I.D.s and were granted access into the buzzing interior of the night club. The inside was as he remembered it, a dark black lit hallway leading into a much more open space. The dance floor was swarming with bodies, some paired off while others danced alone or in groups. There were multicolored lights set up along the outer perimeter of the room, sending a multitude of colors dancing across bare skin where it peeked out from between various strips of fabric that had somehow been deemed clothing. The bar at the far end of the room was crowded as well, a neon painted drink menu decorating the back wall in shades of pink, blue, and yellow. Jackson could feel the vibrations from the speakers shaking the floor as they boomed in every corner of the room and he guided Mark through the sea of people to the bar. If the smile on his face had been enchanting before it only intensified three-fold as they approached the now slightly less crowded bar top.

“Yah! Youngjae!”

Jackson called out to the bartender who had his back turned to them, a head full of dark curls bobbing to the music as he neatly wiped and stacked glasses between customers. His grin only seemed to magnify as the slim framed man turned at the sound of his name being called, his face lighting up at the sight of them. His cheeks were round and pinked from the round of shots he had done with a group of regulars that had since wandered back onto the dance floor. He stepped up to the bar, hands outstretched as the pair shrugged off their coats and handed them across a row of empty glasses and various bottles of liquor.

“Mark-hyung! Jackson-hyung! Good too see you. I wasn't expecting you tonight!”

He beamed as he tossed the heavy winter coats over one arm, pearly white teeth peeking out from between glossy pink lips.

“I'll be right back.”

He nodded towards the coats on his arm before disappearing through the swinging door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY to place them safely in the area restricted to customers. It was a perk of being friends with Youngjae, never having to worry about their coats or other personal items being stolen with them hidden safely out of reach from other patrons. They glanced at each other with warm smiles, Mark leaning forward to nudge his cold nose against Jackson's cheek, earning himself a squawk in reply and found himself in a playful headlock by the time the youngest returned.

“So what brings you here tonight, hyungs? I haven't seen you in a while. Work keeping you busy, I presume.”

He asked, leaning one elbow on the counter top and letting his eyes fall upon the pair he hadn't seen in several months. They still spoke often, but neither of them had found the time to visit the younger male at work or otherwise in their hectic daily schedules.

“Just wanted to see your cut-” 

“Rough day.” 

Mark cut in, tired eyes falling on Youngjae's as Jackson gave him a light squeeze. Youngjae knew that tone, that look, the one that Mark gave when he was exasperated and drained to the point that nothing would cure it except a thumping bass and the strongest, yet fruitiest drink imaginable. He chuckled as he pushed himself off of the counter, grabbing two clean glasses and setting to work mixing their usual drinks. When he had finished, he set them on the counter, waving off Jackson as he tried to hand him a few bills to cover the drinks and then some; head shaking wildly.

“No. Not tonight. It's on me. Relax and enjoy yourselves.”

He smiled that winning smile of his, the one that put the sun to shame and would steal their hearts if they didn't already belong to one another. Jackson bowed his head in thanks before taking a sip of his drink, a long hiss following as he shook his head at the potency of his Rum and Coke. Mark followed suit, taking a long gulp from his cup, seemingly unfazed by the amount of vodka that Youngjae had mixed in with the tropical juices. They chatted quietly among themselves, the two of them finally settling onto the bar stools they had been leaning on as they cradled their drinks in their hands, taking a drink from time to time and they shared stories about their work lives and their day to day activities, Jackson keeping silent about things only he knew. 

“Excuse me.”

A muffled voice came from behind them, causing Jackson to turn in his seat to blink at the owner of the voice. He was much smaller Jackson, rather than tall and lean he was short and stocky. What little hair he had was parted on the side, thick wire rimmed glasses sitting too low on his nose, a ratty looking flannel shirt hanging open over a stained white tee and he furrowed bushy brows as he pushed his way in between them to get to the bar. He smelled a little like cat piss and moth balls, Jackson turning away to bury his face in his drink to escape the stench; Mark giving him a knowing look over the top of the man's head. He was too busy trying to distract himself from the man to notice the way he looked at Mark, a crooked grin, showing even more crooked teeth when his hand brushed Mark's thigh as he moved to rest his elbows on the bar top to order a drink. 

Youngjae raised one eyebrow as the man barked out his order, nodding slowly and getting to work on mixing it for him, not one to turn away customers; but keeping one eye on him as he worked. He was less than savory, someone he had never seen before and it made his skin crawl to see how he took up the small space between Jackson and Mark so readily. He gave his usual winning smile as he placed the drink in front of the man, accepting payment with a polite “Thank you.” and he went back to eyeing his two friends and the man in between them warily. He coughed once when he noticed how pink Mark's cheeks were, his unease apparent to anyone who looked at him as he kept his eyes trained on the wall directly in front of him, drawing everyone's attention back to him. 

“It was good seeing you guys again, but maybe you should head out onto the dance floor before it gets too crowded.” 

He urged, hoping that they would take the hint and disperse from area, thus getting away from the man who still stood there and had somehow merged himself into their group uninvited. Jackson nodded once, taking but a moment to down the rest of his drink and set his glass on the bar top. He then stood and carefully stepped around the smaller man, taking Mark's hand in his own and holding it as Mark finished off the rest of his drink and stood to join him.

“Yes, it was nice seeing you, Youngjae.” 

Mark smiled warmly and waved as Jackson herded him off onto the dance floor. He shuddered as they moved further away from the man, an itch on his skin where the man's hand had brushed his thigh despite the fabric of his jeans keeping him from having direct contact. He could feel his eyes on his back, fighting off the urge to look and see if he was right, Jackson finally stopping and turning to pull him flush against his own body. He could feel the warmth seeping through his clothes, Jackson's thick arms caging him in and keeping him close. It was comfortable, being intimate with Jackson, even in the public eye. He settled against him, his own arms moving to lock around Jackson's neck as they started to sway, movements keeping time with the beat of the music. He pressed his face against Jackson's neck, hot breath fanning over his skin as he slowly rolled his hips, smirking as he felt Jackson's fingers tense and clutch onto him tighter. He mumbled against his skin, lips plush and warm, whispering words of want and desire into his flesh. He could feel the groan, more than hear it, Jackson's chest and throat rumbling as he slid one hand to cup just below one pert butt cheek and giving it a light squeeze. He giggled when he felt it, nuzzling his face just below Jackson's jawline, hips swaying from side to side as the song changed.

“The things you do to me, Mark..”

Jackson heaved a sigh, a warm palm sliding under the hem of Mark's shirt to rest on the small of his back, fingertips dancing across equally warm skin. He turned his head to press a soft kiss against Mark's temple, smiling when he received a small chirp in response, followed by another quiet giggle. Mark laughed a lot when he was drunk, not his loud, obnoxious laugh, but a soft tittering sound that warmed Jackson's heart as much as his usual one would. He continued to sway with Mark, holding him close and groaning when the other felt the need to rut against him, his arousal becoming quickly apparent and not helping Jackson with his own. He lowered his face to mumble in his ear when Mark suddenly pulled away, blinking wildly and breathing heavier than he had been a moment before.

“Hey, what's wrong baby? Are you okay?”

Jackson was concerned, Mark rarely backed away from Jackson, more specifically in an intimate situation and he stared at him with wide eyes. He reached out and cupped his cheek, his other hand shooting out to catch his shoulder as he teetered a bit, looking far more drunk than he should for as much as he had drank. He steadied him and frowned, lightly rubbing his shoulder and cheek with both hands, eyes trained on Mark's pale features as he swayed with sickness rather than with the beat of the music.

“I need to throw up.”

It came out quickly, Mark turning and bolting back towards the bar where the restrooms sat off to the side, small body carrying him away faster than Jackson could even call out to him. He shook his head and sighed, one hand brushing through his sweaty bangs as he stood in the center of the dance floor, eyes catching Youngjae's concerned ones as he gazed out over the bar top at where Mark had just been standing. With another low sigh he slowly made his way through the crowd that had started to form, dropping himself back into the seat he had taken earlier to chat with Youngjae briefly.

“What happened to Mark?”

“I guess he drank too much, but it didn't seem like much. How much vodka did you put in his drink?”

Jackson raised one eyebrow curiously, his eyes rolling at the smirk the younger tried to hide behind his hands innocently.

“Youngjae...”

“Oh, come on. It wasn't much more than usual, just one extra shot. He seemed like he needed it.”

Jackson groaned and buried his face in his hands, head shaking and he flinched when Youngjae reached out to pat his shoulder.

“He's survived worse. He'll be alright. Just go check on him if he isn't out in a few minutes.”

\---------------NONCONSTARTSHERE--------------

Mark slammed into the restroom, the door bouncing off of the wall and nearly hitting him as he plowed through the doorway, eyes wide and chest heaving. He stumbled into the nearest stall, immediately falling to his knees and wrapping his arms around the porcelain as he violently shook and emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl. He was sweating profusely, his whole body feeling like it was on fire and he struggled to see straight. Everything was spinning as he whimpered and vomited again, the sound of the blood rushing in his head drowning out the sound of the door closing and locking behind whoever had entered. He didn't react to the sound of footsteps drawing closer, his eyes closed and his breathing ragged as he tried to slow down the racing of his heart. It wasn't until he felt a hand on the back of his neck and heard the sound of a familiar voice that he whipped his head around to face the person who had followed him here. He sucked in a shaky breath, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in a silent scream as he recognized the owner of the voice; the man from before. He stood over Mark, eyes raking over his shivering body hungrily and he cooed as he let his stubby fingers comb through the hair at the back of Mark's neck.

“Look at you, so pretty.” 

He mused, eyes full of wonder and adoration, though Mark wasn't sure where it could have come from. He had never seen this man before tonight. He opened his mouth to argue, to ask him to stop touching him, but he was cut off with a sharp gasp when the man yanked his head backwards so that he was looking directly up at him.

“You know what pretty boys like you are good for?” 

He hissed, the tenderness in his voice that had been present earlier now replaced with venom.

“Fucking. That's it. Boy like you don't deserve to be praised and loved like you are. You're good for one thing and only one thing. You and your pretty mouth are going to help me out, you hear?”

He sneered as he licked his lips, crowding Mark back into the stall further and chuckling as Mark let out a pained whimper, still unable to form coherent words.

“Did you enjoy your drink, baby? I added something special to it while you were busy staring at the wall. You were trying to ignore me weren't you? That's the problem with boys like you. You think you're better than everyone else. You think that just because you're cute that you can just ignore people. Well, you can't!”

He hissed, shaking Mark violently as he sent a barrage of curses at him, another whimper sounding as Mark's shoulder came into contact with the porcelain of the toilet, hard. The man stopped shaking him, noticing the pained expression on his face and he pouted, dropping his other hand to cup Mark's cheek and stroke it softly with his thumb, smearing the glittery powder that Mark has so carefully placed there across his cheek. He scoffed when Mark flinched away from the touch, his eyes narrowing cruelly as he pulled his hand away.

“Don't worry, I have something that will make you feel better. It will make us both feel better. Doesn't that sound nice?”

The tenderness was back, though convoluted as it was and he licked his lips as he fumbled with the button of his pants, cursing before he finally popped it open and slid the zipper down. He was wearing nothing underneath, a wild patch of hair coming into view as he shimmied the dirty jeans down his thighs and he grinned proudly as his cock sprung free. It was average in size, hard and leaking as he stared down at Mark who was now crying, his small frame shuddering as he hiccuped and sobbed, his body sagging and his eyes staring lifelessly at the floor. 

“Aww, don't cry, baby. It's right here. I won't make you wait any longer.”

He cupped Mark's cheek again, forcing him to look at him as he inched closer, nudging the head of his cock against Mark's tightly closed lips and he frowned when he let out a choked sob in response.

“See, this is why you're useless. You can't even do as your told. This is why your stupid boyfriend is out there flirting with someone else while you're in here with me.”

His words were cold, sending a sharp pain straight to Mark's core. He let out a wrecked sob, lips parting as the words stung and created an emptiness that swelled in his chest. Jackson had cheated, once, when they had fought a couple of years ago and it still hurt to be reminded of that time. The man hummed as he surged forward, forcing the head of his cock past Mark's slightly parted lips, a hiss soon following as he felt the scrape of teeth against his skin as Mark tried to pull away.

“Open your mouth a little more, baby.”

The grip on Mark's hair tightened as he pushed his head forward, the hand on his cheek holding it steady as he struggled and choked at the intrusion. His breathing was unsteady and shaky as he tried to pull in enough air through his nose, gagging as he inhaled the man's scent. He smelled like sweat and a musk that was almost inhuman, like he hadn't bathed in days and the Mark tried not to throw up again as it invaded his senses. His eyes burned with tears, his cheeks wet and red, black streaks of his kohl eyeliner trailing down as he felt the weight of the man on his tongue, felt the coarse hairs rub his lips raw and he tasted the skin of someone that wasn't Jackson after so many years. It was sickening. 

“That's a good boy. I wish you could see how pretty you look with your lips wrapped around my cock like that. It's like you were made for this. You were, weren't you? Made to suck cock like the little slut that you are. I bet you love it, don't you? You love my cock down your throat. Don't worry, it's all yours for tonight, baby.”

He cringed at the man's words, his body slack despite his mind screaming at him to fight, hands dropped to rest on his aching thighs. The floor was uncomfortable to say the least, grimy tile stained with years of people vomiting and walking on it digging painfully into his bony knees. He coughed as the man started to move, pulling back and shoving the head of his cock into the back of his throat, the muscles constricting involuntarily and pulling a moan from the man above him.

“Fuck. Wow. So good, look at you. Fuck.” 

He sputtered, hips canting back and forth as he slowly fucked Mark's mouth, eyes trained on his flushed face. He moved the hand on Mark's cheek to the back of his head, both hands gripping his hair tightly as he picked up his speed, thrusting more violently into Mark's stretched open lips. He looked debauched, precum and spit dribbling out of the corners of his mouth, bleary eyes half open, only for the fact that if he closed his eyes it made him dizzy. It was enough to spurn the man forward, groaning with each push and pull, the warm pressure of Mark's tongue dragging along the underside as he thrust almost making him delirious with pleasure.

“I watched you, you know.. Tonight. With your boyfriend. You were so obedient. I knew I could have you, and here you are. Just like the good boy I knew you would be.”

His praises fell on deaf ears, Mark having finally tuned out the world, his lifeless gaze fixed on the man's belly button. He had forgotten how to do anything except breathe, his breaths shuddering and sometimes stunted when the man would thrust too hard or just at the right time to block his airway with the head of his cock down his throat, his mind in a static haze. He no longer felt the stinging pain on the back of his head where the man had threaded his fingers in his hair, nor the itching brush of pubic hair against his lips and nose, not even pressure at the back of his throat could convince him to gag anymore, he was so far gone. He sat limply, unshed tears glistening in his eyes as he was used and abused, no longer able to function, even as a victim.

“You have it so easy, don't you?”

The man started, noticing the shift in Mark's demeanor, no longer sobbing or trying to pull away; just obediently sitting still and taking everything he gave him.

“No one cares if you like to suck cock, do they? They expect it. With a face like that, how could you not be a faggot? But someone like me.. Normal. Average. It's strange, right? Strange. Why is it okay for you, but not for me? Just because of how pretty you are...”

He trailed off as he rammed his cock into the back of Mark's throat, his hips stuttering as he grunted and caught his breath.

“It's not fair. But look at you. Look at you like this. You're not so high and mighty are you now? You're the one humiliated. Not me. The pretty boy has to answer to ME. YOU ANSWER TO ME.”

He shouted, hissing through his teeth as he thrust one more time, hips twitching as he cursed and spilled his seed into Mark's warm mouth. He gripped his hair tighter, pulling a low whimper from Mark, finally coming back to his senses at the bitter taste that flooded his mouth and nearly choked him. He coughed as the man went slack, his grip slowly releasing him as he let out a shaky breath, dark eyes gazing down at him through dirty lenses.

“What?”

He pulled away from Mark suddenly, his softening cock slipping from between his lips and Mark coughed again, a mixture of saliva and cum pouring down his chin. He had swallowed none of it, his face a mess of red skin and black kohl, hair wild and eyes full of something more terrifying than the man had ever imagined; pity.

“Don't give me that look! Don't look at me like you're better than me.”

He hissed, his confusion giving way to anger. He grabbed the back of Mark's head again, yanking it so hard that you could hear the bones in his neck nearly snap, his eyes falling shut as he grimaced without speaking.

“Don't you pity me! You're the one who did this! This is your fault! Pretty boys like you have it so easy! Don't you dare look down on me!” 

The man rumbled, his chest heaving as he rambled on in his rage, no longer making any sense and the deafening roar of pain suddenly drowned him out. It was a sharp pain, not one like he had ever felt before and he let out a strangled gasp as it came again. It took him a moment to register what was happening, his body being manhandled easily and he opened his eyes just in time to see the white of the toilet come into view before it dug into his eye socket. He let out a scream this time, though it was slightly muffled by the blood in his mouth, his teeth having cut into the inside of his cheek and his nose was surely broken, blood running down the back of his throat. He reached out a hand, pawing at the man's leg as he pleaded, soft murmurs of “please” and “help me” falling on deaf ears. He cried out again, his choked sob cut off as his windpipe was crushed by a sharp kick, his breath stopped dead in his throat and he went slack as he felt one final blow to his head; the only thing he could hear was the ragged breath of the other as he panicked after realizing what he had done.

He felt the hands on him fall away, his body limp and boneless as he sank down onto the floor, his head lolled back against the toilet seat. He struggled to breathe, though he knew it was useless, the cold darkness oncoming much more quickly than he had expected and he mumbled out the last thing that he could think of.

“I'm sorry...”

\----------------------ENDNONCONSCENE--------------------------

He didn't hear it when the man cursed, berating himself and walking in circles with his pants down as he tried to come up with a plan. He had not only attacked again, but he had killed this time. He had never killed before. Had never felt that sort of anger and betrayal well up inside of him when he was done. Had never had someone look at him that way, as if he were the one to be pitied, as if he were the victim, not they and he had snapped. He sucked in a shuddering breath and patted himself on the cheeks, hard, muttering to himself about how he was okay. He would get through this. He just had to get out. Yes, that was it, get out. Run away, leave the mess behind and everything would be fine. He would just walk away, as he always had. Yes. Perfect. He quickly pulled his pants up and buttoned them, turning towards the sinks and he turned one on, splashing water on his face to erase the sweat and grime. He steadied himself as he smoothed down his hair, patting his hands dry on his pant legs and he cursed when he saw it, the blood. It was all over him, his pants, his shirt, his shoes. He hissed as he looked around for something, anything to wipe it off with, but found that the place had only air dryers and not towels and he berated himself for not being more careful.

“Mark? Hey, Mark. It's Youngjae, were coming in, okay?”

A voice cut through his thoughts and he panicked, eyes flitting wildly around the room, looking for some place, any place to hide. He could hear the key turning and he stumbled to the other side of the room, ducking into the place where the door would swing open. He held his breath as the knob creaked, the door creaking open as two heads popped through, eyes going wide as they saw feet sticking out from the stall.

“Come on, Mark, really? It wasn't that much.. Did you really get that dr- Mark?”

Youngjae's voice cut off, but was followed by a loud, booming voice. One that he recognized as Mark's boyfriend.

“Mark! Seriously... Oh my god, Mark!”

The man took their state of dismay as his chance to flee, quickly dodging out from behind the door and pushing past the two stunned men. He could feel a hand on his arm, his eyes flicking to meet a stony gaze, but he pulled free and stumbled out the door. 

“Hey! What are you doing in here?”

Jackson hollered after him, turning confused to Youngjae and stopping as he let his eyes fall to the love of his life on the floor. He hadn't noticed the pool of blood at first glance, having been startled away from the scene by the movement of the man as he fled. His face went white, his eyes prickling with tears as he clenched his fist, only to look down at it with wide eyes. It felt sticky and he had nearly thrown up when he realized why. It was covered in blood, Mark's blood, from where he had grabbed the man's arm. 

“Youngjae! You have to catch that man. I-I'll stay here with Mark. Call 911, but stop him, please!”

Jackson barked, dropping to his knees and Youngjae sprang into motion after standing in a state of shock for the past several moments. He bit back a sob, crawling across the tile floor, his breath catching in his throat as he neared Mark's battered form, his body lifeless and still by the time he had made his way to him. He lifted a shaky hand, slowly reaching out to touch his cheek, thumb swiping at the blood, sweat, and tears that caked together as it began to dry.

“Mark, baby. Hey, it's Jackson. You can stop pretending now. It's me. It's okay now. Mark, baby, wake up. Please, Mark. I need you to wake up. Mark...”

He was crying now, his words starting to blur together as he pleaded with his lover, no longer able to see or hear anything that wasn't Mark. The thumping music that bled into the restroom from the door still hanging open, the shouts of Youngjae as he apprehended the man they suspected was at fault for this- this tragedy, none of it reached his ears. He could only hear the sound of his own sobbing, voice high and loud as he wailed. Both arms stretched out to pull Mark close to him, curses pouring forth as he blamed himself for not coming quicker, for not going with him from the start, for getting caught up in his conversation with Youngjae about his mom. He was hurt, he was angry, and he was confused. Mark should not have been in danger tonight, though he tried to take precaution every day and he looked down at the man in his arms one last time before he placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, ignoring the blood that clung to his lips and he sucked in a breath as he bit his lip; praying that his next move would work. He reached a shaky hand up to rest his fingertips just behind his ear, silently begging for help as he increased the pressure, his head buzzing as the world started to spin and moments later he was standing back in his garage; covered in Mark's blood.

“JAEBEOM!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry if I offended anyone with this chapter. It was actually my first time writing sexual assault and I felt it was necessary, as I had to come up with multiple deaths and pile on to Jackson's angst. It was also something I felt I needed to do to challenge myself and see how much I can push myself to handle as a writer. This fic was not meant to be an easy road or a happy go lucky story, but if you keep reading til the end you may be pleasantly surprised. No promises, though.


	6. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson returned to the future after losing Mark once again, but Jaebeom was always willing to welcome him with open arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to update! I was busy with fic fest submissions and a commission. I hope you all like this chapter. It's another angsty one.
> 
> I finished this at 4AM and did not proof read it. I will fix any grammatical errors later. I just wanted to get it posted~

Jaebeom was out of his chair and opening the door to the garage before Jackson had even reached it. He was met with the sight of Jackson, bloodied and stumbling towards him, words spewing out of his mouth in an unintelligible stream. He felt Jackson crash into him, the younger male’s body wracked with sobs as he clung on to the front of Jaebeom’s shirt desperately. He had a sinking feeling as he wrapped his arms arounds Jackson’s trembling form. He lead Jackson into the room, carefully kicking the door shut behind him and easing him down to sit on the edge of the bed. He crouched down on the floor, settling himself between Jackson’s knees and looking up at him. He could see how pale the other male was, all color drained from his face. His eyes were bloodshot and glossy from crying, hands still wringing in his lap as Jaebeom reached up to touch his cheek softly. He frowned when Jackson flinched at the contact, sighing but not backing down. He stroked his thumb through a streak of dried blood, smudging it off and inspecting Jackson’s face for any injuries when the younger finally lifted his chin enough to meet Jaebeom’s gaze. 

“You’re not hurt are you?”

Jaebeom asked tentatively, knowing that the blood most likely belonged to Mark rather than the one who sat before him. His heart sank when the only reply that came was another sob, Jackson slumping forward and resting all of his weight on Jaebeom’s chest. He let his arms move to cradle the weeping man as he shifted back to sit on the floor. He pulled Jackson into his lap, humming softly and rocking him in his arms, the only way he knew how to comfort him. They stayed this way for several minutes, Jackson’s arms tight around Jaebeom’s neck, his face buried in the warm skin there as they swayed on the uncomfortable concrete floor. 

“You should get cleaned up…”

Jaebeom mumbled softly against the other male’s hair when he had finally quieted down. He chuckled when the other groaned, clearly not wanting to pry himself away from the elder and Jaebeom leaned back a little to look at his tear streaked face.

“You’ll feel better if you take a bath. I’ll run one for you. Up we go.”

Jaebeom carefully adjusted them, grunting in effort as he stood, pulling Jackson up with him and he angled them towards the staircase. It was a challenge getting Jackson to move when he was tired, even more so when he was depressed, but both together was beyond a nightmare. Jaebeom had dealt with Jackson’s stubborn lack of response in the past and it came as no surprise to him that Jackson was being difficult after failing to save Mark again. After he had finally gotten the younger male to move on his own, dragging his feet and fussing the entire way across the room to the stairs, Jaebeom trudged up them and into the kitchen. The early evening sunlight beamed in through wide windows and cast a hazy glow around the pair.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Jaebeom poked, glancing back at the lifeless male and he frowned at the sight before him. Now that Jackson was standing in natural lighting he could clearly see how drained the other truly was. The blood stains were brighter, sunk deeper, and much more real. He let out another sigh, gently taking Jackson’s hand in his own and leading him through the house and to another set of stairs. The bedroom that he had once shared with Jackson was on the second floor, the en suite bathroom the only one of the four in the house that had a bathtub in it. The trek up to the bedroom was less difficult than he had expected, Jackson following along behind him obediently and he stopped just outside of the bedroom door. He swallowed thickly before reaching for the familiar, yet somehow threatening doorknob. The nostalgia that came with turning that very knob was a painful stab in his heart as he pushed open the door that he hadn’t walked through in two years. He held his breath as he stepped inside, trying not to let his eyes wander too much as he made his way towards the bathroom door.

He found it hard not to look around, his eyes seeking out picture frames that he had expected to be gone. His heart clenched, his body immobilized when they stopped at the bookshelf on the far wall, just past the edge of what used to be “his” side of the bed. On it still sat an array of framed photos, taking up two whole shelves and he had to remind himself to breathe as he took in each one slowly. They ranged from a ridiculous selfie that Jackson had taken of them on their first date, to a photo of Jaebeom looking wide eyed at an enormous birthday cake that Jackson had ordered for him on his first birthday they had spent together, to the one time that Jaebeom had dragged Jackson to some formal gathering for his job, to their second and final anniversary together, and everything in between. He had expected Jackson to throw them away, or to at least put them somewhere that they would be out of his sight after Jaebeom had ended things and set to work on figuring out a way for him to save Mark. He struggled to tamp down the spark of hope that threatened to catch fire at the knowledge that he hadn’t.

He was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of running water, Jackson having slipped by him and started his own bath while Jaebeom took a trip down memory lane. He quietly stepped into the bathroom, coughing to alert the younger male to his presence and he let his eyes wander over Jackson’s toned back as he peeled the sweat and blood soaked shirt from his skin. He tried not to stare, but found himself entranced, Jackson’s muscles shifting and settling as he turned to face Jaebeom.

“You should get in, too.”

Jaebeom balked at his words, the suggestion almost ludicrous and he shook his head violently from side to side.

“You’ve got blood all over you.”

Jackson stated plainly, head nodding slightly in Jaebeom’s direction. 

Jaebeom furrowed his brows and finally looked down at himself, his upper lip twitching in disgust at the stains that were going to be impossible to get out of his favorite t-shirt. His sweatpants were equally filthy, having clutched Jackson to himself in attempt to soothe the younger male and transferring some of the mess. He sighed and looked back up at Jackson, his facial expression stony as he shook his head again.

“It’s fine. I’ll just take a shower downstairs when you’re done running the water for your bath.”

His tone was stern, yet soft. Firm, yet almost wavering as he watched Jackson’s features fall.

“I don’t want to be alone…”

The younger male mumbled, eyes trained on the floor at his feet instead of on Jaebeom’s face where they had been just minutes ago. Jaebeom sighed again. He was starting to find it repetitive.

“Then I can sit with you, but I’ll take a shower by myself when we’re done here.”

Jaebeom promised, moving past Jackson to situate himself on top of the closed lid of the toilet as Jackson turned off the water once the tub had reached a suitable water level. Jackson whined in response, using that pitch that Jaebeom was familiar with, the one that he used when he wanted something that Jaebeom was unwilling to give to him. He crossed his arms over his chest like a small child, his lips forming a ridiculous pout and he steeled his gaze on the elder whom sat just a short distance away from him.

“I’m not taking a bath unless you take one with me.”

Jackson spat, childish as always.

“Jackson-ah, you need to take a bath, but I’m not taking one with you. You’re an adult and you can bathe yourself.”

Jaebeom countered, eyes narrowed and hands clenched at his sides. He wasn’t doing this.

“But I want you to do it.”

Jackson fussed, eyes flickering from determined to desperate, his lips quivering as if he were about to start wailing at any moment. Jaebeom knew that look, knew what would follow if he didn’t give in to Jackson’s whims and he brought his hands to his face and rubbed at it in exasperation.

“Are you really doing this right now, Jackson? You literally just got back. You’re covered in blood. You haven’t even told me what happened and you’re already making demands that I- that I take a fucking bath with you. We’re not together anymore, Jackson. We ended things so that you could try to go back and fix things with Mark. You don’t get to do this to me.”

Jaebeom was seething, teeth clenched and jaw set in a hard line as he stared through the other male rather than at him. He could see the way that Jackson’s shoulders slumped, any fight he had left in him draining and he turned his back to Jaebeom as kicked off his shoes and slowly peeled away his socks, pants, and boxers before tentatively dipping his toes into the water. Jackson stepped in fully, sinking down into the water with a sigh, head head lolling back against the rounded edge of the porcelain with his eyes closed, not another word spoken from him. 

“God damnit.”

Jaebeom muttered under his breath, knowing full well that he was going to regret his decision, but standing nonetheless. He carefully removed the blood stained clothing he wore, folding it and putting it in a neat stack where he had previously been sitting before he sucked in a breath and stepped up to the edge of the tub. Jackson was still resting with his eyes closed, the water and bubbles having turned an awful shade of pink from all of the blood. He had yet to to notice that Jaebeom had moved from his perch until he felt the water shift around him and heard the familiar grunt of Jaebeom crowding himself into the narrow space across from him in the tub. He opened his eyes slowly, his brows furrowed in confusion as he processed what was happening.

“I thought you didn’t want to take a bath with me…”

Jackson whispered, eyes looking at Jaebeom’s pursed lips rather than his eyes.

“I don’t.”

“Then why…?”

“Let’s just say that I still feel a sense of responsibility towards you. I sent you back there and you came back- like this.”

Jaebeom waved a hand towards him, tongue clicking as he watched the way that rivulets of water trickled down Jackson’s face, mixing with dried blood and cascading red as it dripped into the pool below. He could hear Jackson hum in response, a telltale sign that the younger understood, but didn’t quite agree with his sentiments. He huffed out a noise of discomfort and settled himself more comfortably, shifting his legs to stretch them out, the insides of his ankles brushing the outer edges of Jackson’s thighs. He stiffened as he felt the contact, Jackson still sitting with his legs pulled up rather than splayed out, finding more comfort in staying wrapped up in himself. He lifted his eyes to meet Jackson’s gaze, the younger watching him curiously and he looked away just as quickly.

“Will you wash my hair for me, hyung?”

Jackson’s voice was soft, the sound barely audible despite the stillness of the room. Jaebeom blinked at him, eyes finding his once more and he swallowed around the lump in his throat before nodding slowly. He owed him at least that much. He sat stark sill as Jackson turned, reaching for the bottle of expensive shampoo that he kept in the small rack that dangled off of the edge of the tub and he smiled warmly across the trembling water at Jaebeom. He couldn’t help but stay frozen as the water shifted, sloshing against the sides of the porcelain as Jackson moved towards him, settling himself between Jaebeom’s splayed open thighs. Normally, when they did this in the past Jackson sat with his back to Jaebeom, resting against his chest as Jaebeom massaged the shampoo into his scalp. And yet for some reason, he opted to face him this time.

Jaebeom could feel his heart clamoring in his chest when Jackson finally stilled, face inches away from his own and he let out a shaky breath as he reached for the shampoo the younger still clutched to his own chest. He pried it free easily, popping the cap and instructing Jackson to dip his head back into the water as he poured the creamy liquid into his palm. When Jackson was upright again, water was streaming down his face in waves, droplets sticking to his eyelashes and running over full lips. He yelped when he realized that the shampoo had started to dribble out of his hand, his grip on the bottle far too tight and he felt his face flush in embarrassment at the fact that he was still so affected by the younger male. He quickly turned the bottle upright, reaching to place it on the floor just to the side of the tub and he rubbed his hands together to emulsify the liquid. 

Jackson sighed when he finally felt the contact of Jaebeom’s hands on him again, deft fingers pushing through his hair. It was wet and sticky from the product he had used when they were getting ready to go to the club. It had been handsomely styled earlier, but it had now fallen flat and lifeless in the aftermath of Mark’s death. He hummed in appreciation as Jaebeom worked the shampoo through his hair thoroughly, all the way from scalp to ends, blunt nails scraping his scalp as his fingers moved. He let himself relax fully, all of the stress of the situation with Mark seeming to melt away under Jaebeom’s touch. 

This is what had caused him to fall in love with Jaebeom in the first place. While Jackson was rough and abrasive when they met, having been bitter and cold since Mark’s death, Jaebeom had managed to smooth him down. Despite his constant anxieties and fears, just a simple hug or kiss from the elder eased his nerves and brought a calm to his heart that he couldn’t seem to find on his own. Jaebeom was his sanctuary, even though he knew it wasn’t fair.

“Jaebeom-hyung…”

Jackson started, his voice a low rumble in his throat as he felt the elder tip his head back, dipping in into the water to rinse away the soap bubbles that clung to Jackson’s hair. He let himself be guided, eyes closed, mouth shut, water sloshing up around his ears as he felt those same fingers gently stroking his now clean hair. 

“Hmmm..?”

Came the slow reply, Jackson easing back up as Jaebeom finished his work. Jackson could see the warmth in Jaebeom’s eyes as they looked him over, dark and as full of depth as they had ever been. He had to blink a few times to clear his own vision, water now running down his face and into his eyes, hands moving to rub at them.

“Be careful. Don’t get soap in your eyes.” Jaebeom warned. 

Jackson stopped mid motion, the back of his hands pressed into his eye sockets, furiously wiping at the water that still spilled from his too wet hair and into his eyes. He pouted and dropped his arms back at his sides, effectively kicking up a splash of water. Jaebeom chuckled at the spray of water, turning his head so that it didn’t go into his face and he reached out a hand to ruffle Jackson’s still wet hair softly, causing Jackson’s pout to deepen.

“I’m not a little kid, hyung.”

Jackson whined, not making his argument any more valid.

“Could have fooled me.”

Jaebeom snorted and withdrew his hand, both arms moving to rest along the edges of the tub as he sank back against the porcelain. Jackson grumbled and frowned at him, finally letting out an annoyed huff after a moment of silence. He shifted in the water, causing it to ripple as he moved, inching closer and invading Jaebeom’s space. He watched as the elder raised one eyebrow, eyes trained on him as he neared. Jaebeom’s body visibly stiffened as Jackson’s fingertips came into contact with his thighs, jaw set in a hard line and eyebrows knit together tightly. 

“What are you doing, Jackson?”

Jaebeom’s voice was stiff and nearly raw, throat tight and suddenly parched.

“Showing you that I’m not a child.”

Jackson countered, mischief glinting in his eyes as he continued to slink closer. He seemed to be moving in slow motion until he was seated on top of Jaebeom’s thighs, hands trailing up the length of his body until his arms were loosely draped over his shoulders. 

“Stop it.”

Jaebeom’s tone was biting, causing Jackson to flinch, but he didn’t move from his perch. He narrowed his eyes at the younger male, about to protest further when he felt the hot pressure of Jackson’s lips against his own. His words were lost to him, something between a mumble and a gasp coming out instead. He tried to pull back, but had nowhere to go, his body trapped between the cool porcelain of the tub and the heated body in his lap. 

Jackson pressed forward, his chest flush with Jaebeom’s as he bit down on his lower lip the way that he knew Jaebeom liked. The groan he was rewarded with was more than enough to continue pushing for more, knees shuffling forward until he could feel Jaebeom’s cock stirring against his hip bone. He knew it would take more than just a little bit of teasing to get Jaebeom to give in. One hand moved to curl in the hair at the base of Jaebeom’s neck where it was getting a little bit too long, the strands wrapping around his fingers easily and he tugged. Jaebeom’s head tilted back, giving Jackson access to his throat and he mouthed along it slowly, sloppily. 

Jaebeom grunted under Jackson’s weight, relieved and displeased at the same time with how abrupt the kiss had been. He wasn’t interested in Jackson’s games, yet it had felt so, so good to have his lips on his own again after all of this time. He hadn’t been with anyone in a while, not really interested in hooks up and too busy with his job, not to mention helping Jackson, to properly date anyone. It almost felt too good and it couldn’t happen. He let his arms drop from the sides of the tub, hands grappling for Jackson’s hips and he tried to push him off of his lap. The Chinese man quickly halted his efforts, the steel grip of his thighs caging around Jaebeom’s own, his fingers keeping a vice grip in his hair.

“Jackson..”

Jaebeom muttered, hoping that his voice didn’t crack against the way he was trembling, against the way that Jackson still mouthed along his skin. He shuddered when the younger male closed his lips around the many rings in his ear, the cool metal warming up under the heat of his lips and tongue. He went unheard as Jackson continued his onslaught, sucking roughly and simultaneously gently at his piercings, hips rocking unintentionally against the younger male.

“Jaebeomie-hyung…”

Jackson’s voice was airy, fanning across the wet skin of Jaebeom’s neck as he rolled his hips down to meet the muted thrust. He pulled away to watch the elder’s face, his features somewhat relaxed, but his eyes holding a hint of reservation. He didn’t give him a chance to reply, one hand snaking between them, fingers dancing across the elder’s heated skin. They trailed along his chest and abdomen, Jaebeom’s eyes narrowing further the closer they got to their intended destination and he bit back a groan when Jackson’s fingers wrapped around his half-erect cock. 

Jaebeom wanted to protest. He wanted to fight Jackson off. He knew that he could easily overpower the younger male, but it had been so long. So long since anyone else had touched him. So long since Jackson had touched him. So long since he had felt anything other than the dull ache in his chest that bloomed every time he looked at the younger male. It felt so wrong, yet so right at the same time to exist in this moment. To exist right now, with Jackson perched on top of his thighs, warm fingers wrapped around his cock, slowly stroking him to full hardness. He wanted to push him away, to tell him to stop. To tell him that they can’t do this, but the burning desire to feel something, anything other than the emptiness that he had felt since the day that he realized that he would never be enough was almost suffocating. He choked out a moan when Jackson twisted his wrist on the upstroke, just the way he knew that Jaebeom liked it. In that instant all protests died on his tongue and all of the logic telling him that this was wrong was pushed into the deep recesses of his mind.

Jackson was smug, if his face said anything about it, lopsided grin hanging on his lips as he watched the way Jaebeom cracked and crumbled under his touch. He loved having control over the elder, the only thing he seemed to have any control over in his life anymore. He did love Jaebeom, but it was never enough. Never enough to completely fill the gap that Mark had left behind. He had tried to move on, and he had, somewhat. Jaebeom had fit perfectly into his life after Mark had passed, seamlessly blending in and filling up spaces that Jackson hadn’t even known that he had had. Yet, some part of him would never fully accept the elder. 

Some part of him would never let himself be truly happy again knowing that Mark was gone and that it was his fault. It wasn’t that Jaebeom was inadequate in his mind. It was Jackson that was inadequate and Jackson would always be inadequate without Mark. Mark who had brought light into his dull and dark life. Mark who was like the day to Jackson’s night. The up to his down. The in to his out. Jaebeom was something like this, but it wasn’t the same. Not after he had been with Mark. Maybe if he had met Jaebeom first things would have turned out better for all of them.

Jackson shook the passing thoughts out of his mind, the hand that wasn’t gripping Jaebeom’s cock slipping between his own thighs. He raised himself up onto his knees a bit as he parted his cheeks slowly, fingers sliding across skin slick with soap to his puckered hole. He sucked in a baited breath as he prodded at the tight ring of muscle with the tip of his index finger, teeth biting down on his lower lip at the slight pressure. He let his eyes lock with Jaebeom’s, the elder watching him curiously as he slipped the finger into himself, a soft groan parting his lips. He felt Jaebeom’s thigh twitch against him, his fingers having tightened around the head of his cock at the intrusion. He mumbled a quick apology, fingers going back to stroking at a slow and easy pace as he began to screw his own finger in and out of himself.

Jaebeom watched in awe as Jackson fingered himself, his own body gone rigid with anticipation. He knew this routine well, Jackson cramming his fingers into himself hurriedly to prepare himself for the feeling of being filled to the brim. Jaebeom wasn’t small by any means, Jackson’s fingers doing nothing to compare, but they had both always enjoyed the show the younger put on. He was doing nothing less this time as well, mouth hanging open, jaw slack, tongue peeking out to swipe at his lips with a lewd moan. Jaebeom twitched in Jackson’s hand, his cock at full attention and he groaned when Jackson added a second finger, the tightened grip around him giving Jackson away. He let his head loll back, hands still resting on Jackson’s hips from his attempt at pushing him away, fingers now gripping desperately. 

It seemed almost too soon that Jackson was hovering close again. Their chests were pressed together, Jackson’s cock resting against Jaebeom’s stomach, and one hand was now curled around the back of his neck. Jackson’s hand on his cock was settled around the base, the tip nestled in between plush, yet firm butt cheeks and he slowly lowered himself until he was fluttering against him. 

“Jackson… You’re going to hurt yourself like this. Let me get some lube.”

Jaebeom twisted, one arm reaching behind himself to fumble for the small bottle that he hoped was still hidden within the confines of the nearby vanity drawer. He had just gotten his fingers wrapped around the handle when he felt Jackson shift, the searing heat of his insides enveloping the entirety of his cock. He hissed as he spun back around, mouth agape as Jackson seated himself fully, their thighs flush together.

“Ja-Jackson..”

Jaebeom sputtered, hands coming to smooth down his sides instantly, his protective nature over the younger male completely overriding the burning pleasure that pulsed around him. He felt the younger male shift again, hips lifting off of his own and slamming back down, a pained noise warbling out of Jackson’s parted lips. Jaebeom knew that he was punishing himself. He knew that Jackson warranted the pain for his failure, yet it still caused his heart to break. He bit down on his lower lip as he held the younger male close. His arms were wrapped protectively around him, hands sliding up and down the expanse of his back. He kissed the side of his head and mumbled soft words of encouragement against his hair as Jackson moved, reminding him how good he felt, how pretty he was, and just how much he loved him. 

Jackson’s insides burned, the raw pressure of Jaebeom inside of him without any lubrication almost too much to bear, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. The regret of being unable to save Mark yet again, coupled with the guilt of using Jaebeom’s feelings as a means of comfort made him nauseous. Yet, he continued to roll his hips. He continued grinding himself down onto Jaebeom’s cock, the slow drag steadily building up a pleasure that would eventually numb the pain. His fingers dug into Jaebeom’s scalp, nails that were a little bit too long scraping against his skin, his heart beating erratically at the sound he got in response. 

Jaebeom loved being scratched, the feel of nails raw and sharp against his skin sending a pulse directly to his cock. He groaned as Jackson dragged them across his scalp. His own fingers clenched and grasped at the younger’s hips as he thrust up into him, sending Jackson sprawling against his chest. He chuckled at the way the younger whined, his own rhythm interrupted and he cooed against the side of Jackson’s head, lips mouthing at the tip of his ear. Jackson tasted like soap and skin. It was clean despite the way their bodies moved against one another filthily. He murmured praises as he pushed and pulled, his hips meeting Jackson’s own aborted thrusts. The younger had gone slack against him, giving up control in favor of being pushed over the edge without any effort on his own part.

“Jacks..”

Jaebeom whispered, feet planting against the bottom of the tub. The slick surface caused him to slip a few times before finding a good grounding and he angled himself so that he could more easily thrust up into the willing body on top of his own. The way Jackson keened with the new angle, allowing Jaebeom to thrust directly into his prostate, had him reeling. He ignored the way the water sloshed around in the tub, splashing over the edges and spilling onto the floor below. It was a mess that could be dealt with later. 

“You feel so good.”

Jaebeom’s grip on his hips was like a vice, sure to leave bruises in his wake. He didn’t care, though. The only thought in mind was chasing his release and sending the man above him into a state of pure bliss. He could feel the way that Jackson was starting to claw at his hair, tugging and curling in the strands as he abused his prostate. His own body was strung out too far, too thin, and he needed this just as much as Jackson did. Despite how twisted the whole scheme of things was. He continued to thrust up and into the tight heat, balls drawing up, tight and wanting. 

“So close.. Baby..”

Jackson whimpered at the words. It had been a long time, such a very, very long time since he had heard those words from Jaebeom. It had his stomach in knots, a pride swelling within him to know that Jaebeom still cherished him. However, there was a sinking feeling twisting it’s way through his gut the closer that he got to his own release. He panted out a plea, begging for Jaebeom to go a little bit faster, a little bit harder. He jerked as he felt the final push he needed, Jaebeom’s breakneck pace finally sending him tumbling over the edge and he cried out in desperation. His fingers scrabbled for purchase on the edge of the tub as he came, hot and white, spurting into the water and floating between their bodies. 

Jaebeom felt Jackson tighten around him, his own orgasm swiftly approaching and he slammed into him two-three more times before he was cursing under his breath. He buried himself as deep as possible, eyes screwed shut as he came, pulsing and spilling inside of Jackson’s over sensitive bowels. He could hear him whining already, the rush of adrenaline dying down and a sense of dread washing over him now that they had finished. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, carefully easing himself out of Jackson’s spent body and he pushed him away despite his best efforts to cling to the elder male. He shook his head, glad that Jackson was being obedient and settling himself across from him again as they stared at one another with much less intensity than they had just twenty minutes ago. 

The water had begun to cool and Jaebeom sighed, his body suddenly heavy and his mind tired. He gripped the edges of the tub and used it as leverage to stand, water sloshing around him and pouring down his body. He reached for a towel, wrapping it around his hips before stepping onto the plush throw carpet that was, to his dismay, soaked from their exploits and he frowned before turning back to Jackson. 

“You should probably get out before too long, it’s getting cold.”

Jackson didn’t miss the way that Jaebeom’s tone matched the temperature of the water. It’s previous heat having tapered off to a luke warm. He wasn’t quite sure why the elder had suddenly gone back to his icy demeanor, though it wasn’t entirely surprising. Jaebeom had said it best, they weren’t together anymore. He had no right to ask for the warmth and love the other had so willingly showered him with in the past, but it still stung when the elder refused to give it when they both knew it was still present. What he hadn’t realized however, was that there was a reason for Jaebeom’s coldness to return. That in the heat of the moment, in his delirious mind, at the height of his pleasure, he had said Mark’s name. 

Jaebeom was holding a towel out for him, arm stiff and straight as he waited for Jackson to pull himself together and climb out of the tub. He shook himself out of his reverie, nodding his head slightly and accepting the towel as he stood, the fluffy softness of it comforting. He stepped out of the tub next to Jaebeom and scrunched his face at the wetness beneath his toes, knowing that Jaebeom was definitely unhappy about the mess they had made. He glanced up at the elder whose jaw was set in a hard line again, eyes downcast as he stiffly moved to drain the water from the tub and made his way out of the bathroom. Jackson trailed behind him slowly, the towel wrapped tightly around his upper body and he shivered as he padded into the air conditioned room.

“Well, goodnight.”

Jaebeom stated, nodding his head to the younger, lips pursed and eyes averting his gaze. Jackson let out a soft whimper, hand reaching to grasp at Jaebeom’s wrist when he turned to leave, the elder sucking in a sharp breath and his whole body going rigid.

“Don’t go..”

Jackson whispered, his voice almost inaudible.

“Jackson..”

Jaebeom’s stern tone was back, eyes trained on the spot where they were connected, Jackson’s knuckles white from how hard he was gripping his wrist. He tried to pry his arm free, the younger male whimpering again and he sighed as his body went slack with exasperation.

“What do you want from me?”

The question was clear and cut through the silence like a knife, sharp and deadly.

“I just want you to stay with me.”

“Why?”

“Because..”

“Because you don’t want to be alone?”

Jackson nodded in response, almost automatic at this point and Jaebeom sighed again, rubbing his free hand on his face. It was red and hot, a mixture of frustration and desire pooling under his skin and he shook his head in warning.

“You don’t need me, Jackson.”

“What?”

“You don’t need me. You can sleep on your own, just like you could have bathed on your own, but you keep playing these fucking games.”

Jaebeom was angry now, the venom that had been lying on his tongue this entire time finally spewing forth with his words.

“I-I’m not playing any games, Jaebeom, I just- I just want to be with you tonight, okay? Is that so much to fucking ask? To ask my -friend- to not leave me alone when I just watched my fucking boyfriend get murdered?”

Jackson spat in response, eyes wide and fingers digging even deeper into Jaebeom’s wrist. Jaebeom opened his mouth to reply when Jackson elaborated on the “friend” part of his line, but came to a stand still when her heard the word “murdered.”

“Wait. What do you mean murdered?”

Jaebeom asked tentatively, the heat in his voice having simmered.

Jackson’s entire body went slack, his energy draining and he fell to his knees, fingers losing their grip around Jaebeom’s wrist as he recalled the events of the evening before he had come back home. He tried not to break down in tears as he recounted the memories to Jaebeom, the elder going as white as a ghost as he listened to Jackson’s story. He sank down to his knees, settling on the carpet just across from Jackson and he cradled his face in his hands, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against his cheeks. 

“Oh my god, Jacks. I’m so sorry. That must have been awful, but it’s not your fault. Okay? None of this is your fault. I- I’ll stay with you, okay?”

Jaebeom’s heart ached for the younger male, knowing how badly it hurt to have the person you love right in front of you and be unable to reach them. However, Jackson was alive and he was thankful for that. He would never understand the pain that Jackson was going through, seeing Mark die not once, but twice and being unable to stop it. He wasn’t sure how much time they had, seeing as there was a limit to how much Jackson’s body to could take, but that was a discussion for another time. He carefully maneuvered Jackson from his slumped state on the floor to the bed, toweling him off and lying him down gently before pulling the covers over him. He moved to turn off the lights in the bathroom and the hall before padding to what used to be his side of the bed. He stared through the darkness, looking down into the tired eyes that bore up at him, a weak smile on his lips as he slipped into bed.

Jackson curled in close, his form still trembling slightly as he draped one arm across Jaebeom’s chest and he tangled their legs together. Jaebeom yawned, letting Jackson use his arm as a pillow. His hand fell to loosely rest on one slim shoulder, fingers shifting to draw mindless patterns in the skin as Jackson’s breathing evened out and slowed to a restful pace. He closed his eyes, his own breath hitching in his throat, and as Jackson began to snore against his shoulder softly Jaebeom cried himself to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yell at me on Twitter or just chat hit me up @ahgasemyname


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